Jokes corner

[Conjurator]

Join the army. Visit exotic places. Meet new people. And kill them.

[Conjurator]

For me, being clean and sober means I'm showered and headed for the pub.

[Conjurator]

Your phone screen is much brighter than the hint of intelligence in your eyes.

[Conjurator]

The only more important than your happiness is mine, so get on it pronto.

[Conjurator]

Man enters a store: "15 liters of wine please".
Clerk: "Did you bring a container for that?"
Man: "You're talking to it."

[Conjurator]

Why is Santa's sack so big? Try to come only once a year!

[Conjurator]

What did the lesbian female vampire said to a lady in her periods? See you next month.

[Conjurator]

Your mama is so stupid, last time her Iphone rang, she poked an eye.

[Conjurator]

I love oral sex, it's the 1-900 bill that I hate!

[Conjurator]

Your momma is so fat, I took a picture of her last Christmas and it's still printing.

[Conjurator]

Do you want to see murderer? Kill someone and look at yourself in the mirror.

[Conjurator]

I'm so old I can write the same on f*cebook each day. But that's ok. Some of my friends are so old that they think it's a new joke every day.

[Conjurator]

I opened Outlook calendar at work today. What a boring version of Tetris.

[Conjurator]

What do you call a 90-year old man who masturbates successfully? Miracle Whip.

[Conjurator]

Is your name Country Crock? You can spread for me anytime.

[Conjurator]

If my dog had a face like yours, I'd shave his butt and teach him to walk backwards.

[Conjurator]

If you're violent, but creative, try paintball.

[Conjurator]

I need hug
(e amount of money)

[Conjurator]

What do you give to a friend graduating from law school? A lawbotomy.

[Conjurator]

If Snapchat filters taught me anything, it's that some girls look much better as dogs.