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**Conjurator** · 12-24-2018, 10:03 AM

I thought reverse psychology was when you made your psychiatrist cry.

**Conjurator** · 12-24-2018, 10:04 AM

The only dates I get nowadays are software up dates.

**Conjurator** · 12-24-2018, 10:06 AM

New Years Day. Now's the best time to make your annual good resolutions. Next week you can start paving hell with them as usual.

**Conjurator** · 12-24-2018, 10:07 AM

My grilfriend broke up with me because I stole her wheelchair. I know she'd come back crawling to me.

**Conjurator** · 12-24-2018, 10:08 AM

Five secrets to successful people. 1- Don't 2- Tell 3- Anyone 4- Your 5- Secret

**Conjurator** · 12-26-2018, 05:15 PM

What food describes most college jocks? Jerky.

**Conjurator** · 12-26-2018, 05:15 PM

How do you know you're an ugly girl? When you know the price of all drinks at the bar.

**Conjurator** · 12-26-2018, 05:16 PM

The speed of light is when you take a beer out of the fridge before the light comes on.

**Conjurator** · 12-26-2018, 05:17 PM

I'm a people's person, but from a distance.

**Conjurator** · 12-26-2018, 05:19 PM

Men mostly hate two words: "not" and "enough". Unless you say them together.

**Conjurator** · 12-26-2018, 05:21 PM

What's the difference between the Pope and your boss? The pope expects you only to kiss his ring.

**Conjurator** · 12-26-2018, 05:22 PM

I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.

**Conjurator** · 12-26-2018, 05:25 PM

Why do I always know where I was going when I am canoeing? Because I "canoe" it.

**Conjurator** · 12-28-2018, 07:43 AM

What does Santa say when he is sick? Ho Ho No!

**Conjurator** · 12-28-2018, 07:44 AM

What's a runner favorite subject in school? Jography.

**Conjurator** · 12-28-2018, 07:45 AM

I date a zombie. So someone finally wants me for my brain. - A blonde.

**Conjurator** · 12-28-2018, 07:46 AM

Why the summer school teacher did not need sunglasses? Because the class wasn't so bright.

**Conjurator** · 12-28-2018, 07:49 AM

My teen just called child protective services because he still has an Iphone 5s.

**Conjurator** · 12-28-2018, 07:50 AM

What's the difference between a blonde and a yoghurt? The yoghurt has culture.

**Conjurator** · 12-28-2018, 07:50 AM

If your grandma says her joints are getting weaker, tell her to roll them tighter.

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