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  • I can count the number of times I went to Chernobyl on one hand. Seven.

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    • Your eyes are as blue as my toilet water at home.

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      • If God is watching us, at least, let's be entertaining.

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        • Have you ever tried camping sex? Well it's fucking in-ten(t)s!

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          • There once was a time when there were no social medias. You had to go to bar, buy hundreds of drinks to get ignored by multiple women...

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            • Why is it good to have a blonde as passenger? You can park in the handicapped parking.

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              • I'm never wrong. One time I thought I was wrong, but I was mistaken.

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                • I've a got a new girlfriend. She's anorexic. Things aren't going well. I'm seeing less and less of her...

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                  • I took me forever but I managed to pay the pizza guy with the quarters coming out of behind his ears.

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                    • My boss touched me inappropriately at work today. But it's ok, I'm self-employed.

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                      • I like the sweet sound of you not talking.

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                        • I hate when people ask for likes. Like if you agree.

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                          • My seminar "How to avoid fraud" is cancelled. Tickets are not refundable.

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                            • No checks, but czechs are welcome.

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                              • I called in sick this morning on the basis of diarrhea. My boss told me to get my shit together.

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                                • Believe me, if you ever saw it, you would even say it glows.

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                                  • Relationship between men and women are psychological. Half are pyscho, half are logical.

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                                    • A dick has a sad life. His hair's a mess, his family is nuts, his neighbor's an ass, his best friend is a pussy and his owner sometimes beats him.

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                                      • Halloween is the scariest night of the life. It's the night where souls roam, where dead rise from their graves and where fat girls dress up as cats thinking they're sexy.

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                                        • Why do Jehovah's witnesses love Halloween? They're allowed to knock on everybody's door late at night.

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