Jokes corner

[Conjurator]

Dear alcohol. We had a deal were you promised to make me funnier, smarter and a better dancer. Saw the video. We need to talk.

[Conjurator]

Funniest human experiment ever. Silently walk to some random person and whisper in his/her ear: "They know!". And quickly walk away.

[Conjurator]

I don't need more medication, just fewer people.

[Conjurator]

It's all fun and games until someone loses an eye. Then it's just a game. Find the eye.

[Conjurator]

Using a public restroom always reminds me what a Jedi Master I am at actually flushing a toilet compared to the rest of mankind.

[Conjurator]

Your kid may be an honors student, but you're still an idiot. He knows he's adopted?

[Conjurator]

By the cup of coffee, even the most secret thoughts turn into words. By the bottle of vodka, they turn into actions.

[Conjurator]

What did the nurse say to scare a paranoid patient? ICU

[Conjurator]

I hate when a couple argues and I miss the beginning of the fight. I have a hard time figuring out whose side I'm on.

[Conjurator]

The next hurricane should be named after you, it would be less harmful than your face.

[Conjurator]

Your pants say yoga but your butt screams McDonalds.

[Conjurator]

I went out to drinking tonight and had to come back by bus. Quite proud actually. I had never driven a bus before.

[Conjurator]

What's a skeleton? A skeleton is a person who starts dieting and forgets to stop it.

[Conjurator]

I didn't do it, nobody saw me do it, you can't prove anything.

[Conjurator]

Your dad doesn't get the irony of calling you a son of a bitch. Does it everyday in front of your mom.

[Conjurator]

I said no to drugs but, heck, they didn't listen.

[Conjurator]

I found a message in a bottle. It said: "If you're reading this, you drink too much".

[Conjurator]

I'm pretty sober, but I'm prettier drunk.

[Conjurator]

Rumor-loving friend: Please spread the word.
Me: Sure. WWWWOOOOORRRRRRDDDDDD.

[Conjurator]

Your IQ is so low, the whole alphabet started crying.