How do you effectively build and maintain a roster of men?

[Ildergreier]

Yup. Sex is never in the equation for someone I’m not in a monogamous, committed relationship with. I don’t think a lot of people get that sex really does cloud your judgement and changes the flow of things. But that's all I'll say on that bc I don't want to offend at all.

I am not offended.

[Cheerio]

I agree with all of that but I have to confess, I count most pheros as a sexual advance. I think us guys always have the possibility in the back of our heads. I think it so primal it can't be eliminated. At best tamed. I prayed for 20 years for it to be removed, I was a strict Baptist, and the best answer I ever got was to be allowed to grow older and it became less imperious.

I met a nice older widow from Portugal tonight, I was wearing 2 drops connections and one spray of Odyssey. Maybe it was the odyssey but it didn't take long for me to wonder, hmmm maybe she's the one. We talked for hours. She's too little and frail for sex though I was putting checkmarks in my roster anyhow.

I'm not talking anything about pheros.

[Muestereate]

I agree with all of that but I have to confess, I count most pheros as a sexual advance. I think us guys always have the possibility in the back of our heads. I think it so primal it can't be eliminated. At best tamed. I prayed for 20 years for it to be removed, I was a strict Baptist, and the best answer I ever got was to be allowed to grow older and it became less imperious.

I met a nice older widow from Portugal tonight, I was wearing 2 drops connections and one spray of Odyssey. Maybe it was the odyssey but it didn't take long for me to wonder, hmmm maybe she's the one. We talked for hours. She's too little and frail for sex though I was putting checkmarks in my roster anyhow.

[Cheerio]

I feel the most free or liberated when I’m being courted and spoiled by men without any sexual attachments.

Exactly & so many women don't realize this is all possible... without sex. I would know this all too well. I haven't had sex in 3 years! & not having sex actually helps you see things clearly. Sex should be the icing on the cake. It shouldn't be the cake. I'm not saying bad sex won't break a relationship (and usually bad sex stems from lack of communication + inexperience and can be worked on), but I don't get the logic behind having sex with someone before you're exclusive "just in case." Otherwise, if you have a roster of men, and let's say there's six guys in that roster, are you really having sex with all of them "just in case." That is unhealthy and irresponsible and it fucks with your psyche long term. I think women need to be more realistic and realize most quality men aren't taking women who give themselves up so easily seriously at all (if your goal is for a serious relationship; if it's just for fun, then it doesn't apply). Just like women who are looking for something serious would never take a man seriously if he keeps trying to make sexual advances and tries to make the conversation go in a sexual direction. You can tell the difference between a man who is looking for something serious and a man who is just looking for you to be his toy. Hint: he doesn't mind not having sex with you and would rather get to know you instead.

[Cheerio]

Thanks for making me realize I didn't agree with #2 - Muestereate

[colorfulaura]

Yup. Sex is never in the equation for someone I’m not in a monogamous, committed relationship with. I don’t think a lot of people get that sex really does cloud your judgement and changes the flow of things. But that's all I'll say on that bc I don't want to offend at all.

I feel the most free or liberated when I’m being courted and spoiled by men without any sexual attachments.

[Muestereate]

I have found number 2 to work very well with women too.

[Muestereate]

It definitely changes a relationship. Even friendzone changes, not bad but if I recall both parties developed some expectations of the other and became a bit more compliant. I think I've gotten into this 2 or three times. I can't say it was bad but its where I learned that friend zone doesn't mix with sex. For me, its either blossomed but short-lived or separated the friendship. Things just couldn't be the same.

I have spent many years trying to "be the friend first' theory. I think it's a bad theory because I have not been able to make it work. I will say the breakups are much more amicable. The hyper emotions of shame, betrayal or abandonment have not been there. That said, if I'm honest even friend s qualify for the roster still. The ideal is nice, I'd love to make it work so my roster still has friends against my own better judgment. Maybe it's a guy thing.

[Cheerio]

I'm very happily married and in a monogamous relationship for many years now. However I have had times before that where I was happily non commited and I always liked to keep what I called a "harem" of men. I think one of the most important things to do this SUCCESSFULLY and SUSTAINABLY is to
1. Focus on your own wellbeing and being a balanced and fulfilled person, it is immensely attractive and makes people want to be around you as you radiate confidence, self love and self respect.
2. Focus on respecting and adoring each of the men you spend time with. Never see them as "toys" or just a means to an end. When you value each one of them as the unique person they are, you will get adoration back in spades. And even if it does not work out romantically, you'll have a friend potentially for life.
3. If possible, be very kindly and warmly open to the men about the fact that, at least at the moment, they are not the only one. It's what I would want to know if the situation was the other way around. Plus: a little competition never hurt a man

I like this and agree with some of it. This makes me realize having a roster would be quite easy for me... if I lived in Manhattan! Everything would be much easier if I lived there, which is why I'm planning to move.

Also, for the 3rd one, my rule is that I don't mention it if they don't ask. I don't want to volunteer information, because I'm sure there aren't either. Now, if they ask me if I'm seeing anyone, I'll tell them that as far as I'm concerned, I'm single, so I'm enjoying my time with men who are interested in me until one decides that they want to be in a committed and monogamous with me. They have no choice but to accept that answer and now that he knows there are other men in the picture, it might light a fire under his ass or he will cancel himself out, LOL. Bc as you said, a lil' competition never hurt a man!

ETA: Wait, I don't know how I missed #2 or maybe I read it to fast but I'd prefer not to be friends with someone I looked at romantically. I don't think that's possible. You can't cross the friendship line then casually go back, unless you want drama. Those things usually fizzle out.

[MostHoly]

I'm very happily married and in a monogamous relationship for many years now. However I have had times before that where I was happily non commited and I always liked to keep what I called a "harem" of men. I think one of the most important things to do this SUCCESSFULLY and SUSTAINABLY is to
1. Focus on your own wellbeing and being a balanced and fulfilled person, it is immensely attractive and makes people want to be around you as you radiate confidence, self love and self respect.
2. Focus on respecting and adoring each of the men you spend time with. Never see them as "toys" or just a means to an end. When you value each one of them as the unique person they are, you will get adoration back in spades. And even if it does not work out romantically, you'll have a friend potentially for life.
3. If possible, be very kindly and warmly open to the men about the fact that, at least at the moment, they are not the only one. It's what I would want to know if the situation was the other way around. Plus: a little competition never hurt a man

[Cheerio]

When it comes to having a roster it is very good to remember to treat them all with respect and to bring a good time (this does not have to include sex).

Yup. Sex is never in the equation for someone I’m not in a monogamous, committed relationship with. I don’t think a lot of people get that sex really does cloud your judgement and changes the flow of things. But that's all I'll say on that bc I don't want to offend at all.

[colorfulaura]

Some men really can't hold their own and it's quite annoying. I don't have time for it. My personality and relationship interests will only be compatible with someone who is an alpha. I can't deal with push-overs and yes-men.

Same. I have a strong willed personality and that usually attracts clingers who want me to tell them what to do. Have a mind of your own. I need someone who matches my ambition.

[Ildergreier]

When it comes to having a roster it is very good to remember to treat them all with respect and to bring a good time (this does not have to include sex).

[Ildergreier]

In a place only the mods and the admin can reach them.

[Cheerio]

With regards to your question above where I mentioned goals.

Based on this statement, if I were filling out my goals roster I would put down for your goal. Wants to raise a family. That may be incorrect or incomplete but I have to make assumptions so I can test them.

I would then ask myself, Do I want to raise a family. If I could honestly say yes I would then give that goal the attribute of mutual. That would be a huge plus.
Say instead I honestly answered myself and said that's not a super priority but I have no objections to raising a family. I'd classify that as neutral which would still be a plus.

Say instead I aspired to remain a millionaire International playboy on a yacht. I could look at having to raise a family as a threat instead. That would be a negative.

I'm scoring my roster based on goals and not attributes like, "does she have a perfectly arched eyebrow" or some other physical attribute.

It's just a theory but I think ANY mutual goal would really lift someone up on the roster. Family and home are traditional but power and wealth, Travel are all things I would go along with as could something lowly like public service. My current dried and shriveled up dutch date likes to volunteer in the same institutions I do. Close enough for now.

I'm pretty sure she buys so she doesn't feel obligated for sex or time demands. I'll have to ask her lol.

I already have a husband manifestation list that I actually rewrote only a couple of months ago. If a man doesn't want a serious relationship, in general, then he doesn't even make it to the first date with me. I don't care that much about free food, lol.

[Muestereate]

There's actually only one guy *knocks on wood* who told me he needs his wife to work. When I asked who is going to take care of the kids, he said there are nannies and babysitters. I blocked him so fast.

With regards to your question above where I mentioned goals.

Based on this statement, if I were filling out my goals roster I would put down for your goal. Wants to raise a family. That may be incorrect or incomplete but I have to make assumptions so I can test them.

I would then ask myself, Do I want to raise a family. If I could honestly say yes I would then give that goal the attribute of mutual. That would be a huge plus.
Say instead I honestly answered myself and said that's not a super priority but I have no objections to raising a family. I'd classify that as neutral which would still be a plus.

Say instead I aspired to remain a millionaire International playboy on a yacht. I could look at having to raise a family as a threat instead. That would be a negative.

I'm scoring my roster based on goals and not attributes like, "does she have a perfectly arched eyebrow" or some other physical attribute.

It's just a theory but I think ANY mutual goal would really lift someone up on the roster. Family and home are traditional but power and wealth, Travel are all things I would go along with as could something lowly like public service. My current dried and shriveled up dutch date likes to volunteer in the same institutions I do. Close enough for now.

I'm pretty sure she buys so she doesn't feel obligated for sex or time demands. I'll have to ask her lol.

[Muestereate]

Sorry, too much info condensed too tightly. I think working together towards the same thing is the best part of a relationship. But, how you get there is important too.

[Cheerio]

Sis, I need you to get out of my head lol. I can’t! I’ve only had ONE guy ask to go Dutch on a date and man that feeling of everything going dry and shriveling up is potent haha. I can’t get with this modern stuff either. Why does it have to be so black and white? Like either you’re subjugated but men take care of you or you’re “equal” and pay for your own shit and dudes expect you to go Dutch and then fuck because you’re “sexually liberated” and modern. Like yes pay me the same, don’t be sexist, and respect me as an equal but also spoil me. Treat me like a queen. Open doors, pull out my chair, get my nails done...How do I even explain this lol.

And yes feel you on that. I haven’t had a roster of more than two dudes at once because the rest have just been so...lacking. I stay blocking numbers and unmatching because there’s no need to settle and waste time on someone who isn’t up to par.

The only guy who has ever asked me to go half is my ex-fiance and that's part of the reason why he's an ex-fiance. He also wanted me to move in with him before marriage and I was not down with that. Guess what his reason was? It'd be easier to pay rent. LMAO.

I remember going on a date with a man who did not sit down until I sat down, got up when I got up (to leave the table to go to the restroom), and stood up when I was approaching the table. That's the kind of man for me. A dominant, traditional man who values the hell out of his woman. He's stern, but also melts into butter for his lady and only his lady. Feminism really benefits men, not women, when it comes to social stuff. Men will use feminism as an excuse for why you should pay for your own things while he kicks back and relaxes and lives off of you. No, thank you. Personally, if a man tells me he's a feminist, I'm running towards the opposite direction. I could date a man who supports women, but someone who actually calls themselves a feminist, I couldn't do it. They all have something in common.

This is why on dating apps, if guys do ask me what do I do for work, I simply tell them I don't work. I don't tell them I'm applying to jobs/having interviews, I don't tell them I'm an entrepreneur creating an app. I simply say "I don't work" and sometimes I even say, "I'm a princess." They've all either told me how lucky I am bc they have to wake up early or they just change the subject (in a good way). One guy told me congrats on being a princess & then asked me when I'm available for dinner. I like to see a man's reaction when I tell him I don't work. That sets the tone if anything were to go any further. I want to be SAHM, the way I answer those questions helps me identify which guys are okay with their women not working.

There's actually only one guy *knocks on wood* who told me he needs his wife to work. When I asked who is going to take care of the kids, he said there are nannies and babysitters. I blocked him so fast.

[Cheerio]

What do you think of tracking goals, both long and short term, yours versus his? Mutualities versus opposing and might as well include neutral goals like safe hobbies and benign interests.

Another area of interests are thought processes and processing, primitive versus sophisticated, complex versus simple, enigmatic or eccentric.

Ideologies fact-based versus fantasy, emotional versus rational. This is the stuff we deal with long term that causes a lot of frustration, friction and an inability to be part of a team.

I could go on but maybe you catch my drift.

What are you talking about? I don't follow...

[Theogqueen]

Maybe you dodged a bullet after he got mad that you didn't want to go back to his hotel? Was he at least respectful?

I love those types of men. The ones that like to take care of their women and still value old world traditions. I just can't get down with this modern, 50/50 guys. I dry up faster than the Sahara desert whenever I hear of women shelling out money for/with men. *shivers* I mean, if it works for them, then fine but it couldn't be me!

And that's why dating will always be harder for women with higher standards bc a lot of men aren't even worth the stressors that come with relationships. I'd very much prefer to stay single than to not have exactly the man I want. Maybe that's also why a roster is hard for me because I'm not just giving any man attention, let alone including him in a roster. You need to hit every. single. bullet point. And I don't care. LOL.

Sis, I need you to get out of my head lol. I can’t! I’ve only had ONE guy ask to go Dutch on a date and man that feeling of everything going dry and shriveling up is potent haha. I can’t get with this modern stuff either. Why does it have to be so black and white? Like either you’re subjugated but men take care of you or you’re “equal” and pay for your own shit and dudes expect you to go Dutch and then fuck because you’re “sexually liberated” and modern. Like yes pay me the same, don’t be sexist, and respect me as an equal but also spoil me. Treat me like a queen. Open doors, pull out my chair, get my nails done...How do I even explain this lol.

And yes feel you on that. I haven’t had a roster of more than two dudes at once because the rest have just been so...lacking. I stay blocking numbers and unmatching because there’s no need to settle and waste time on someone who isn’t up to par.