How do you effectively build and maintain a roster of men?

[colorfulaura]

Coffee and tea dates are better. Or tapas but sitting at the bar so it’s a little more low pressure and not as you said like a job interview haha. Drink dates are “I’m trying to get you drunk and loose so I get you in bed quickly and easily without having to spend too much time and effort on you.” It’s a step above Netflix and chill.

If it's a bar restaurant you can gauge them by ordering food with your drinks. Drink dates are more unclear because it can turn into a dinner date but it'll depend on the man. I was watching a video of a dating coach who uses drink dates as tests. She'll ask the guy about the food on the menu and if the guy says something like "I'm not hungry" to push her to drinks she gets up and leaves.

[Ildergreier]

The IG generation has made finding a man a lot worse than it needs to be.

[Theogqueen]

The drink dates are low effort but I can't stand anything more than coffee "dates." It's like meeting up for a job interview for a real date.

Coffee and tea dates are better. Or tapas but sitting at the bar so it’s a little more low pressure and not as you said like a job interview haha. Drink dates are “I’m trying to get you drunk and loose so I get you in bed quickly and easily without having to spend too much time and effort on you.” It’s a step above Netflix and chill.

[colorfulaura]

You’re motivating me. I don’t have any targets currently but a big part of me wants to delete all my dating apps. I just have OKC and bumble. But it’s boding and I’m only on for attention. I know the guys I like aren’t on there but always have a glimmer of hope. It just doesn’t work. Instead I’ll focus on just putting myself out there more in person. I don’t have a 9-5 so I have plenty of time to explore new places and hang out in cute lobbies and bars.

Good of luck with that target tho!

Yes cheap women have ruined it. We as women teach the world how to love us and they’ve been setting some bad standards and now I’m called high maintenance because I say no to dive bar meetups (I don’t even drink ugh)

The drink dates are low effort but I can't stand anything more than coffee "dates." It's like meeting up for a job interview for a real date.

[Theogqueen]

I have officially deleted Bumble as of yesterday. Partially because these men online aren't exciting me and I realized that I was only on there out of pure boredom. I deactivated all my social media and have been off for 3 weeks now, so I needed some sort of attention, LOL. But I have a target and he's helped me get rid of these dating apps since scoring him is my goal. It's actually a motivator for me, haha. I know this sounds weird on the outside looking in but I'm not sure how to explain it without giving myself away.

A lot of men no longer put in effort because women are okay with accepting the bare minimum. A lot of this shit is the fault of women with low standards. When you meet enough women who are okay with having drinks and pretending it's a date, you're going to put two and two together and think this is what most women want these days. Cheap women ruin it for the rest of us who appreciate effort. BUT it also helps cut out the wrong guys.

You’re motivating me. I don’t have any targets currently but a big part of me wants to delete all my dating apps. I just have OKC and bumble. But it’s boding and I’m only on for attention. I know the guys I like aren’t on there but always have a glimmer of hope. It just doesn’t work. Instead I’ll focus on just putting myself out there more in person. I don’t have a 9-5 so I have plenty of time to explore new places and hang out in cute lobbies and bars.

Good of luck with that target tho!

Yes cheap women have ruined it. We as women teach the world how to love us and they’ve been setting some bad standards and now I’m called high maintenance because I say no to dive bar meetups (I don’t even drink ugh)

[Cheerio]

Yes! I’ve been seeing this too. Especially with guys online. I had a guy that was going back and forth on the idea of driving 30 minutes for a date like...I’ve had men fly in the go on a date with me you really think I’m going to settle for this lazy shit? No.

I miss men who put in the effort.

I blame Tinder lol.

I have officially deleted Bumble as of yesterday. Partially because these men online aren't exciting me and I realized that I was only on there out of pure boredom. I deactivated all my social media and have been off for 3 weeks now, so I needed some sort of attention, LOL. But I have a target and he's helped me get rid of these dating apps since scoring him is my goal. It's actually a motivator for me, haha. I know this sounds weird on the outside looking in but I'm not sure how to explain it without giving myself away.

A lot of men no longer put in effort because women are okay with accepting the bare minimum. A lot of this shit is the fault of women with low standards. When you meet enough women who are okay with having drinks and pretending it's a date, you're going to put two and two together and think this is what most women want these days. Cheap women ruin it for the rest of us who appreciate effort. BUT it also helps cut out the wrong guys.

[Cheerio]

Bingo. I find women complain about it too and I side eye them. I'm just like so you don't want the best. I hate the idea of women building a man. If I wanted build something I can buy legos. I'm not about to put that much time into a man.

Because women are constantly told that they don't deserve anything for all the effort we put into making men happy. It's such an insane concept that women create life and education generations upon generations, but are still disrespected and undervalued. I swear it's pussy envy.

[colorfulaura]

Yup. The key is not to ask, but be with a man who wants to give you everything just because you're his. Not because you asked. He sees how well you take care of yourself and only wants to add to that. My issue is how some women don't like asking for what they need from men (example: if she needs a new car tire). You should be able to ask your man for that. If you're too afraid, there's something wrong there.

This. A lot of women are with the beta men and trying to make him into an alpha. If he doesn't want to support you or see your worth and value, no amount of begging will make him do that. It's just the way he was raised. Either he's someone compatible with your upbringing and values or he's not.

[Ildergreier]

Yup. The key is not to ask, but be with a man who wants to give you everything just because you're his. Not because you asked. He sees how well you take care of yourself and only wants to add to that. My issue is how some women don't like asking for what they need from men (example: if she needs a new car tire). You should be able to ask your man for that. If you're too afraid, there's something wrong there.

Agreed, you should feel natural to ask your man for help.

[Theogqueen]

Bingo. I find women complain about it too and I side eye them. I'm just like so you don't want the best. I hate the idea of women building a man. If I wanted build something I can buy legos. I'm not about to put that much time into a man.

The women who complain about gold digging are the same ones going half on bills, supporting their mans weed habits, and buying their own engagement rings.

[Theogqueen]

It's actually has gotten harder for me. Before I had men in different zipcodes, but these men can be so damn lazy that I'm like no thanks before we even get to a date.

Yes! I’ve been seeing this too. Especially with guys online. I had a guy that was going back and forth on the idea of driving 30 minutes for a date like...I’ve had men fly in the go on a date with me you really think I’m going to settle for this lazy shit? No.

I miss men who put in the effort.

I blame Tinder lol.

[PumpedUpKids]

The only men who complain about gold digging are men who have no gold to dig for. It is *only* right for women to dig for gold.

Bingo. I find women complain about it too and I side eye them. I'm just like so you don't want the best. I hate the idea of women building a man. If I wanted build something I can buy legos. I'm not about to put that much time into a man.

[Cheerio]

I would never ask a man for money or things or anything, because I have everything I need, but if I needed it I would not hesitate.

Why?

Because I have never meet a man that would hesitate to ask a woman for sex, food, borrowing her car, sigarettes, stay over some days or something else.

Yup. The key is not to ask, but be with a man who wants to give you everything just because you're his. Not because you asked. He sees how well you take care of yourself and only wants to add to that. My issue is how some women don't like asking for what they need from men (example: if she needs a new car tire). You should be able to ask your man for that. If you're too afraid, there's something wrong there.

[Cheerio]

This is true. But the truth is they're like this is because it's been working for them. Low effort men are still in high demand. We have to accept our reality as having higher standards will cut our dating pool in half or more. This is a good thing though, instead of taking a bum on a date we could be spending time on bettering ourselves.

Exactly! Refraining from certain activities, such as dates and having sex, is so beneficial. It's not like you couldn't ever do it again until you meet someone. But it is so healthy for the mental well-being. You gain a lot of clarity when you're focusing on yourself.

[Cheerio]

Would never be me. I hate that it's called gold digging. No it's common sense especially since most men want you to have their big headed babies, so why can't you take care of me. I deserve to be spoiled. I think every woman deserves it, but most don't believe their own hype. I believe mine.

The only men who complain about gold digging are men who have no gold to dig for. It is *only* right for women to dig for gold.

[Ildergreier]

I would never ask a man for money or things or anything, because I have everything I need, but if I needed it I would not hesitate.

Why?

Because I have never meet a man that would hesitate to ask a woman for sex, food, borrowing her car, sigarettes, stay over some days or something else.

[colorfulaura]

It's actually has gotten harder for me. Before I had men in different zipcodes, but these men can be so damn lazy that I'm like no thanks before we even get to a date.

This is true. But the truth is they're like this is because it's been working for them. Low effort men are still in high demand. We have to accept our reality as having higher standards will cut our dating pool in half or more. This is a good thing though, instead of taking a bum on a date we could be spending time on bettering ourselves.

[PumpedUpKids]

Maybe you dodged a bullet after he got mad that you didn't want to go back to his hotel? Was he at least respectful?

I love those types of men. The ones that like to take care of their women and still value old world traditions. I just can't get down with this modern, 50/50 guys. I dry up faster than the Sahara desert whenever I hear of women shelling out money for/with men. *shivers* I mean, if it works for them, then fine but it couldn't be me!

And that's why dating will always be harder for women with higher standards bc a lot of men aren't even worth the stressors that come with relationships. I'd very much prefer to stay single than to not have exactly the man I want. Maybe that's also why a roster is hard for me because I'm not just giving any man attention, let alone including him in a roster. You need to hit every. single. bullet point. And I don't care. LOL.

Would never be me. I hate that it's called gold digging. No it's common sense especially since most men want you to have their big headed babies, so why can't you take care of me. I deserve to be spoiled. I think every woman deserves it, but most don't believe their own hype. I believe mine.

[PumpedUpKids]

It's actually has gotten harder for me. Before I had men in different zipcodes, but these men can be so damn lazy that I'm like no thanks before we even get to a date.

[MostHoly]

I like this and agree with some of it. This makes me realize having a roster would be quite easy for me... if I lived in Manhattan! Everything would be much easier if I lived there, which is why I'm planning to move.

Also, for the 3rd one, my rule is that I don't mention it if they don't ask. I don't want to volunteer information, because I'm sure there aren't either. Now, if they ask me if I'm seeing anyone, I'll tell them that as far as I'm concerned, I'm single, so I'm enjoying my time with men who are interested in me until one decides that they want to be in a committed and monogamous with me. They have no choice but to accept that answer and now that he knows there are other men in the picture, it might light a fire under his ass or he will cancel himself out, LOL. Bc as you said, a lil' competition never hurt a man!

ETA: Wait, I don't know how I missed #2 or maybe I read it to fast but I'd prefer not to be friends with someone I looked at romantically. I don't think that's possible. You can't cross the friendship line then casually go back, unless you want drama. Those things usually fizzle out.

Totally agree with you on #2 . As far as #3 goes it's a personal choice (and also a matter of circumstances). I have been very fortunate in this way as some of my oldest and best friends are actually former lovers. On the other side I also have some ex-lovers I would not let near me closer than, hmmm, 500 miles All about balance, I guess