How do you effectively build and maintain a roster of men?

[colorfulaura]

Yup. Sex is never in the equation for someone I’m not in a monogamous, committed relationship with. I don’t think a lot of people get that sex really does cloud your judgement and changes the flow of things. But that's all I'll say on that bc I don't want to offend at all.

I feel the most free or liberated when I’m being courted and spoiled by men without any sexual attachments.

[Cheerio]

I feel the most free or liberated when I’m being courted and spoiled by men without any sexual attachments.

Exactly & so many women don't realize this is all possible... without sex. I would know this all too well. I haven't had sex in 3 years! & not having sex actually helps you see things clearly. Sex should be the icing on the cake. It shouldn't be the cake. I'm not saying bad sex won't break a relationship (and usually bad sex stems from lack of communication + inexperience and can be worked on), but I don't get the logic behind having sex with someone before you're exclusive "just in case." Otherwise, if you have a roster of men, and let's say there's six guys in that roster, are you really having sex with all of them "just in case." That is unhealthy and irresponsible and it fucks with your psyche long term. I think women need to be more realistic and realize most quality men aren't taking women who give themselves up so easily seriously at all (if your goal is for a serious relationship; if it's just for fun, then it doesn't apply). Just like women who are looking for something serious would never take a man seriously if he keeps trying to make sexual advances and tries to make the conversation go in a sexual direction. You can tell the difference between a man who is looking for something serious and a man who is just looking for you to be his toy. Hint: he doesn't mind not having sex with you and would rather get to know you instead.

[Muestereate]

I agree with all of that but I have to confess, I count most pheros as a sexual advance. I think us guys always have the possibility in the back of our heads. I think it so primal it can't be eliminated. At best tamed. I prayed for 20 years for it to be removed, I was a strict Baptist, and the best answer I ever got was to be allowed to grow older and it became less imperious.

I met a nice older widow from Portugal tonight, I was wearing 2 drops connections and one spray of Odyssey. Maybe it was the odyssey but it didn't take long for me to wonder, hmmm maybe she's the one. We talked for hours. She's too little and frail for sex though I was putting checkmarks in my roster anyhow.

[Cheerio]

I agree with all of that but I have to confess, I count most pheros as a sexual advance. I think us guys always have the possibility in the back of our heads. I think it so primal it can't be eliminated. At best tamed. I prayed for 20 years for it to be removed, I was a strict Baptist, and the best answer I ever got was to be allowed to grow older and it became less imperious.

I met a nice older widow from Portugal tonight, I was wearing 2 drops connections and one spray of Odyssey. Maybe it was the odyssey but it didn't take long for me to wonder, hmmm maybe she's the one. We talked for hours. She's too little and frail for sex though I was putting checkmarks in my roster anyhow.

I'm not talking anything about pheros.

[Ildergreier]

Yup. Sex is never in the equation for someone I’m not in a monogamous, committed relationship with. I don’t think a lot of people get that sex really does cloud your judgement and changes the flow of things. But that's all I'll say on that bc I don't want to offend at all.

I am not offended.

[MostHoly]

I like this and agree with some of it. This makes me realize having a roster would be quite easy for me... if I lived in Manhattan! Everything would be much easier if I lived there, which is why I'm planning to move.

Also, for the 3rd one, my rule is that I don't mention it if they don't ask. I don't want to volunteer information, because I'm sure there aren't either. Now, if they ask me if I'm seeing anyone, I'll tell them that as far as I'm concerned, I'm single, so I'm enjoying my time with men who are interested in me until one decides that they want to be in a committed and monogamous with me. They have no choice but to accept that answer and now that he knows there are other men in the picture, it might light a fire under his ass or he will cancel himself out, LOL. Bc as you said, a lil' competition never hurt a man!

ETA: Wait, I don't know how I missed #2 or maybe I read it to fast but I'd prefer not to be friends with someone I looked at romantically. I don't think that's possible. You can't cross the friendship line then casually go back, unless you want drama. Those things usually fizzle out.

Totally agree with you on #2 . As far as #3 goes it's a personal choice (and also a matter of circumstances). I have been very fortunate in this way as some of my oldest and best friends are actually former lovers. On the other side I also have some ex-lovers I would not let near me closer than, hmmm, 500 miles All about balance, I guess

[PumpedUpKids]

It's actually has gotten harder for me. Before I had men in different zipcodes, but these men can be so damn lazy that I'm like no thanks before we even get to a date.

[PumpedUpKids]

Maybe you dodged a bullet after he got mad that you didn't want to go back to his hotel? Was he at least respectful?

I love those types of men. The ones that like to take care of their women and still value old world traditions. I just can't get down with this modern, 50/50 guys. I dry up faster than the Sahara desert whenever I hear of women shelling out money for/with men. *shivers* I mean, if it works for them, then fine but it couldn't be me!

And that's why dating will always be harder for women with higher standards bc a lot of men aren't even worth the stressors that come with relationships. I'd very much prefer to stay single than to not have exactly the man I want. Maybe that's also why a roster is hard for me because I'm not just giving any man attention, let alone including him in a roster. You need to hit every. single. bullet point. And I don't care. LOL.

Would never be me. I hate that it's called gold digging. No it's common sense especially since most men want you to have their big headed babies, so why can't you take care of me. I deserve to be spoiled. I think every woman deserves it, but most don't believe their own hype. I believe mine.

[colorfulaura]

It's actually has gotten harder for me. Before I had men in different zipcodes, but these men can be so damn lazy that I'm like no thanks before we even get to a date.

This is true. But the truth is they're like this is because it's been working for them. Low effort men are still in high demand. We have to accept our reality as having higher standards will cut our dating pool in half or more. This is a good thing though, instead of taking a bum on a date we could be spending time on bettering ourselves.

[Ildergreier]

I would never ask a man for money or things or anything, because I have everything I need, but if I needed it I would not hesitate.

Why?

Because I have never meet a man that would hesitate to ask a woman for sex, food, borrowing her car, sigarettes, stay over some days or something else.

[Cheerio]

Would never be me. I hate that it's called gold digging. No it's common sense especially since most men want you to have their big headed babies, so why can't you take care of me. I deserve to be spoiled. I think every woman deserves it, but most don't believe their own hype. I believe mine.

The only men who complain about gold digging are men who have no gold to dig for. It is *only* right for women to dig for gold.

[Cheerio]

This is true. But the truth is they're like this is because it's been working for them. Low effort men are still in high demand. We have to accept our reality as having higher standards will cut our dating pool in half or more. This is a good thing though, instead of taking a bum on a date we could be spending time on bettering ourselves.

Exactly! Refraining from certain activities, such as dates and having sex, is so beneficial. It's not like you couldn't ever do it again until you meet someone. But it is so healthy for the mental well-being. You gain a lot of clarity when you're focusing on yourself.

[Cheerio]

I would never ask a man for money or things or anything, because I have everything I need, but if I needed it I would not hesitate.

Why?

Because I have never meet a man that would hesitate to ask a woman for sex, food, borrowing her car, sigarettes, stay over some days or something else.

Yup. The key is not to ask, but be with a man who wants to give you everything just because you're his. Not because you asked. He sees how well you take care of yourself and only wants to add to that. My issue is how some women don't like asking for what they need from men (example: if she needs a new car tire). You should be able to ask your man for that. If you're too afraid, there's something wrong there.

[PumpedUpKids]

The only men who complain about gold digging are men who have no gold to dig for. It is *only* right for women to dig for gold.

Bingo. I find women complain about it too and I side eye them. I'm just like so you don't want the best. I hate the idea of women building a man. If I wanted build something I can buy legos. I'm not about to put that much time into a man.

[Theogqueen]

It's actually has gotten harder for me. Before I had men in different zipcodes, but these men can be so damn lazy that I'm like no thanks before we even get to a date.

Yes! I’ve been seeing this too. Especially with guys online. I had a guy that was going back and forth on the idea of driving 30 minutes for a date like...I’ve had men fly in the go on a date with me you really think I’m going to settle for this lazy shit? No.

I miss men who put in the effort.

I blame Tinder lol.

[Theogqueen]

Bingo. I find women complain about it too and I side eye them. I'm just like so you don't want the best. I hate the idea of women building a man. If I wanted build something I can buy legos. I'm not about to put that much time into a man.

The women who complain about gold digging are the same ones going half on bills, supporting their mans weed habits, and buying their own engagement rings.

[Ildergreier]

Yup. The key is not to ask, but be with a man who wants to give you everything just because you're his. Not because you asked. He sees how well you take care of yourself and only wants to add to that. My issue is how some women don't like asking for what they need from men (example: if she needs a new car tire). You should be able to ask your man for that. If you're too afraid, there's something wrong there.

Agreed, you should feel natural to ask your man for help.

[colorfulaura]

Yup. The key is not to ask, but be with a man who wants to give you everything just because you're his. Not because you asked. He sees how well you take care of yourself and only wants to add to that. My issue is how some women don't like asking for what they need from men (example: if she needs a new car tire). You should be able to ask your man for that. If you're too afraid, there's something wrong there.

This. A lot of women are with the beta men and trying to make him into an alpha. If he doesn't want to support you or see your worth and value, no amount of begging will make him do that. It's just the way he was raised. Either he's someone compatible with your upbringing and values or he's not.

[Cheerio]

Bingo. I find women complain about it too and I side eye them. I'm just like so you don't want the best. I hate the idea of women building a man. If I wanted build something I can buy legos. I'm not about to put that much time into a man.

Because women are constantly told that they don't deserve anything for all the effort we put into making men happy. It's such an insane concept that women create life and education generations upon generations, but are still disrespected and undervalued. I swear it's pussy envy.

[Cheerio]

Yes! I’ve been seeing this too. Especially with guys online. I had a guy that was going back and forth on the idea of driving 30 minutes for a date like...I’ve had men fly in the go on a date with me you really think I’m going to settle for this lazy shit? No.

I miss men who put in the effort.

I blame Tinder lol.

I have officially deleted Bumble as of yesterday. Partially because these men online aren't exciting me and I realized that I was only on there out of pure boredom. I deactivated all my social media and have been off for 3 weeks now, so I needed some sort of attention, LOL. But I have a target and he's helped me get rid of these dating apps since scoring him is my goal. It's actually a motivator for me, haha. I know this sounds weird on the outside looking in but I'm not sure how to explain it without giving myself away.

A lot of men no longer put in effort because women are okay with accepting the bare minimum. A lot of this shit is the fault of women with low standards. When you meet enough women who are okay with having drinks and pretending it's a date, you're going to put two and two together and think this is what most women want these days. Cheap women ruin it for the rest of us who appreciate effort. BUT it also helps cut out the wrong guys.