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Finding My Masculinity

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  • Batigoal
    started a topic Finding My Masculinity

    Finding My Masculinity

    (Too long? Go to paragraph 6 for my experience)

    Hello everyone. I recently joined the forum after I received my first order. Awesome customer service btw.

    Brief backstory. I am a 30 year old West African living in the UK for a few years now. I got involved in organised religion at a very young age and it messed up with my view on sexual. This led to me having a very limited sexual experience for a guy my age. I'm finally getting some recovery with the help of hypnosis, tapping, subliminal audio, and complete avoidance of anything to do with organised religion.

    After reading about pheromones, I decided to place an order for Xist and Evolve. However, the EU store was out of stock, and me not being patient to wait for delivery from the USA, decided to go for Ascend and Cohesion. I mentioned this in my order. The next day, I got a call from customer service saying they just received new stock of Evolve and Xist, and if I would like to have those as well. With limited finances, I requested my order be changed to Xist and Ascend. I got my order three days later with samples of Evolve and Taboo. Sweet!

    I decided to try Evolve, three sprays - two to the neck, and on to one wrist which I rubbed onto the other wrist. I had no cover scent because I thought it did not smell bad and wondered what the recommendation on getting a cover scent was all about. What a noob! lol

    I left for the shops looking for iois but got none. I walked into the shop and was like "Bro, you stank!!". So, I went to the toiletries aisle and covered myself with some Lynx. It's the best I could find - don't judge me. It was either that or Brut . I noticed nothing out of the ordinary when I left the shop.

    I got back home and that's when things got interesting. I live in a shared accommodation with a live-in landlady, and a lady from a very conservative Asian country, let's call her V. As part of my journey to discover my masculinity, I have been "faking it until I make it". Using subtle language, I had given V the impression I'm very experienced. Being in the UK for less than six months, her guards are still high. However, that night, she asked if she could hang out with me in my room, to which I said yes. After being in my room for less than five minutes, she started talking about sexual stuff, and how she has never watched porn. I teased her I would make her watch it and she declined saying she's afraid she would get addicted.

    After being with me for about 20 minutes, V complained about my room being too hot for her. The landlady went to the kitchen for a cuppa and V joins her. I later join them and they became very chatty. V left for her room, and I stayed downstairs with the landlady. When I came back to my room, I got a text from V which suggested she was horny. She then asked me over text if I wanted to be her FWB. (I had told her what a fwb was a few days earlier. She thought it meant a generous friend). At this time I was beginning to freak out - things were just happening to fast for a guy with my limited experience.

    I told her I was up for a FWB. She then proceeded to set "rules" basically saying no one should ever find out. She then said she would be coming to my room for a make out and no penetration was allowed. She was in my room less than five minutes after that. We started making out and I try to take off her pants and she says no. I try again a few minutes later and she still says no. She gives me a bj but still said no when I tried to go down on her. So I backed off. However, out of nowhere, she takes off her pants and says she wants to feel me inside her. At this point, I'm REALLY freaking out. This made me lose my boner. Suddenly, the room became extra hot for me. I got very light headed and understood what she meant by my room being too hot. It wasn't the central heating.

    She begged me to penetrate her, but I made excuses, saying I had no protection and not being able to pull out on time. She spent more time with me before leaving for her room as I had to work early the next morning. After she left, I found it hard to go to sleep because of the heat even though I was naked with no sheets on. I was still feeling light-headed when I finally succeeded to fall asleep. I kept waking up at night feeling like I was drunk on whisky.

    V knew I had to leave for work early, so early in the morning, she came back to my room for another make-out session.

    I felt like I was suffering from a hangover when I was having a shower and even threw up. I had absolutely no appetite at work and all I ate was a small pork pie during a 24-hour shift. (I had two sprays of Ascend before going to work).

    So, I am very impressed at the effect the mones had on V, but the effect on me is not something I want to experience again. It seems to amplify my anxiety. What can I do to manage this negative self-effects?

  • MRSNAKE
    replied
    Don't give up keep looking!

    Leave a comment:


  • Cheerio
    replied
    Originally posted by Muestereate View Post
    The smell of women can be intoxicating huh?

    Leave a comment:


  • Primross
    replied
    Originally posted by Phoenix2886 View Post

    I think all desirable women will try to change you into someone she doesn't want to be with. Her tests and mind games are to check to see if you are man. She wants strong offspring and for you to be able to protect her (no matter what feminism BS she believes) this is in her genetics. You don't need to avoid falling for someone, but you do need to become someone who is emotionally stable. She wants to be the "feeler" she can't be if you are, she has to be YOUR rock if you are the emotional one. You need to be HER rock. Unless you are into masculine girls, in which case you can disregard part of what I say.

    PS My ex just broke up with me a few weeks ago, so I have tried to leave out as much bitterness as possible
    Very good way of saying it

    Leave a comment:


  • Muestereate
    commented on 's reply
    Good observation, By that I recently played a girl the wrong way. You think they are trying to change you into what they don't want as a sort of shit test. WOW!!!

  • Muestereate
    replied
    asd

    Leave a comment:


  • Phoenix2886
    replied
    Originally posted by Batigoal View Post
    Prettyrickyboi Thanks. What it means to me is the cliche stuff about being masculine and much more. Like being self-assured, having a life mission and being determined to achieve it. Being a man who is willing to learn from everyone but at the same time not compromising my personal values for anyone.

    For the woman aspect, it's a tough one as I have more of a "Feeler" personality and can get really emotional. I have been a beta most of my life and made horrible mistakes. I have seen some of my Alpha friends become controlling freaks or doormats when they fall for a woman. I fear to end up like them. Until I become a more self-assured person, my strategy right now is to walk away when I find myself falling hard for someone.
    I think all desirable women will try to change you into someone she doesn't want to be with. Her tests and mind games are to check to see if you are man. She wants strong offspring and for you to be able to protect her (no matter what feminism BS she believes) this is in her genetics. You don't need to avoid falling for someone, but you do need to become someone who is emotionally stable. She wants to be the "feeler" she can't be if you are, she has to be YOUR rock if you are the emotional one. You need to be HER rock. Unless you are into masculine girls, in which case you can disregard part of what I say.

    PS My ex just broke up with me a few weeks ago, so I have tried to leave out as much bitterness as possible

    Leave a comment:


  • Ildergreier
    replied
    Originally posted by Muestereate View Post
    Just American Girls, I hear Norwegian Girls are real women.
    You hesrd that here on Discoverxs?

    Leave a comment:


  • Phoenix2886
    replied
    Originally posted by Muestereate View Post
    Just American Girls, I hear Norwegian Girls are real women.
    I grew up in America and have only dealt with American Girls, but I have heard that American Girls are too full of themselves and are mean. But it's only from Australians and Germans that I've heard this from. Also if you've ever read the adventures of Roosh V.

    Leave a comment:


  • Muestereate
    replied
    Just American Girls, I hear Norwegian Girls are real women.

    Leave a comment:


  • Batigoal
    replied
    Prettyrickyboi Thanks. What it means to me is the cliche stuff about being masculine and much more. Like being self-assured, having a life mission and being determined to achieve it. Being a man who is willing to learn from everyone but at the same time not compromising my personal values for anyone.

    For the woman aspect, it's a tough one as I have more of a "Feeler" personality and can get really emotional. I have been a beta most of my life and made horrible mistakes. I have seen some of my Alpha friends become controlling freaks or doormats when they fall for a woman. I fear to end up like them. Until I become a more self-assured person, my strategy right now is to walk away when I find myself falling hard for someone.

    Leave a comment:


  • Batigoal
    commented on 's reply
    No. I just wrote down what came to my mind when I saw your question.

  • Primross
    replied
    Originally posted by Ildergreier View Post

    If people want to change, they should do it for themselves, not another person.
    Exactly.

    Leave a comment:


  • Ildergreier
    replied
    Originally posted by Primross View Post

    People changing for a person isn't always a bad thing but you have to stop and think. Am i a better person for changing in this way?
    If people want to change, they should do it for themselves, not another person.

    Leave a comment:


  • Primross
    replied
    Originally posted by Ildergreier View Post

    Yeah, I know. Or I thought I did. As of now I have started to wonder if it was love.
    People changing for a person isn't always a bad thing but you have to stop and think. Am i a better person for changing in this way?

    Leave a comment:


  • Ildergreier
    replied
    Originally posted by Primross View Post

    love makes us do crazy illogical things
    Yeah, I know. Or I thought I did. As of now I have started to wonder if it was love.

    Leave a comment:


  • Primross
    replied
    Originally posted by Ildergreier View Post

    I have female friend that went through same shape shifting because of her shitty situationship with some bloke.
    love makes us do crazy illogical things

    Leave a comment:


  • Ildergreier
    replied
    Originally posted by Primross View Post

    Exactly thats why the first words i put were "men do this to themselves" my best friend has this issue he was a real man until he got with a certain woman but now he's needy and insecure and its all his fault.
    I have female friend that went through same shape shifting because of her shitty situationship with some bloke.

    Leave a comment:


  • Primross
    replied
    Originally posted by Ildergreier View Post


    I see your point, but only the person to blame is the one that change.

    The problem is when one find oneself in a situation where you need to change to be with a person, then one should leave, so that they can go out there and find this person they want one to change into.
    Exactly thats why the first words i put were "men do this to themselves" my best friend has this issue he was a real man until he got with a certain woman but now he's needy and insecure and its all his fault.

    Leave a comment:


  • Primross
    replied
    Originally posted by Batigoal View Post

    Hi Ildergreier. No one took it from me and I'm not searching for it. I'm simply "finding" what I've always had, as in growing into the person I would look up to with great admiration.

    Are you familiar with the story of the eagle raised by chicken? Or a lion cub raised by sheep? As a man, sometimes I see the eagle glide seamlessly in the sky and I just know that's where I belong. Other times I need to be fed the flesh of the sheep I grew up with to wake me up from the lie I have been living.

    How I got here, though important, should not be a factor holding me down. I can either play the blame game and remain stuck in a life I despise, or I can go on a journey to discover what I can achieve as a masculine man, with the understanding I will never arrive at a destination.
    Nicely put and it happens to most of us we miss the "eye of the tiger" as you were and we do it to ourselves we can become to domesticated in a bad way

    Leave a comment:

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