To Fall in Love With Anyone... Part 2

[Green Eyes]

Last year Magnus posted a thread on an interesting study on the science of making people fall in love and if it's even possible. Here's a link to his thread below:

https://discoverxs.com/forum/pheromonexs-retail-products/Pheromone-Research-Development-and-Theory/in-the-news/29327-to-fall-in-love-with-anyone-do-this

Here's a summary of the study:

In Mandy Len Catron’s Modern Love essay, “To Fall in Love With Anyone, Do This,” she refers to a study by the psychologist Arthur Aron (and others) that explores whether intimacy between two strangers can be accelerated by having them ask each other a specific series of personal questions. The 36 questions in the study are broken up into three sets, with each set intended to be more probing than the previous one.

The idea is that mutual vulnerability fosters closeness. To quote the study’s authors, “One key pattern associated with the development of a close relationship among peers is sustained, escalating, reciprocal, personal self-disclosure.” Allowing oneself to be vulnerable with another person can be exceedingly difficult, so this exercise forces the issue.

The final task Ms. Catron and her friend try — staring into each other’s eyes for four minutes — is less well documented, with the suggested duration ranging from two minutes to four. But Ms. Catron was unequivocal in her recommendation. “Two minutes is just enough to be terrified,” she told me. “Four really goes somewhere.”

[Green Eyes]

I actually discovered that article years ago before discovering pheromones and I did the experiment! There was a guy I met on Eharmony and on our 3rd date we went to the park and answered the questions. Buy the end of the date he was all in. And on our next date he confessed he had really strong feelings for me and wanted us to be exclusive. I could tell he was "in love" but was afraid to admit it because he felt it was too soon, which is it was. On the flip side of that, I can tell that doing those questions greatly increased my affection for him and we did end up in a serious relationship for a while. However, for me, I was never really that physically attracted to him.... and eventually that is what led to the end of the relationship. To this day that relationship was the most compatible, fun, healthy one I've ever had and I wish to God I could have forced the physical attraction but I couldn't. Alas, while we may be able to "concoct" intimacy, it can't override natural physical chemistry. I think there has to be some level of mutual physical attraction to begin with. I don't think you need a lot though... a little will do. But with that said, it does pose an interesting question: Were it not for those 36 questions would I have ever even entered into a relationship with him to begin with?

I also have another example of that experiment. I told my dad about 36 questions (name of the app) around the same time, and he used it on a second date with a woman he had been crushing on for a while. Well, long story short, they were engaged in 2 months and married within 6 months of their first date. When I first met this "mystery woman" my dad was engaged to (at the time he was a player-player and had been for years, so to hear he was randomly engaged to a woman I had never met at the time was totally bizarre) I could see they were totally smitten with each other and it was the real deal. After asking some probing questions ..... because I was well curious and in shock, Valerie (his fiancé) confessed that what made her fall head over heals was their second date when they as she put it "really got to know each other". She said until then, no man had ever tried to get to know the "real" her and not just be all about sex, especially in the beginning of dating, and that she had never experienced such a deep connection with someone so quickly. According to her they were soul mates.

Now it is very clear that those 36 Questions expedited their path to love. Would they have fallen in love without them? Who knows. Would they have gotten engaged and married so quickly? I say... probably not. I think that when there is already an attraction, these questions cut through all the BS that can get in the way of getting to know someone and connecting on an emotional level. The earlier they are introduced into the relationship, the less time our past baggage, hang ups, and insecurities have to get in the way. So if your are really interested in falling in love and securing a long term relationship, I believe these questions can greatly expedite the process. All it takes is a little compatibility and mutual attraction.... and I'd say with these questions you don't need much of either.

Has anyone else experienced or know anyone who has tried this??

[Green Eyes]

Now that I've been reminded about these questions, I'd like to try with pheros. I'm thinking Xist or XS190 maybe? Any thoughts?

[Nightwing]

I've been reading the study and I would like to say some things about it that might be helpful to achieve the same results. Disclaimer: I'm just a random unqualified dude that's reading a scientific paper and I'm oversimplifying so take my interpretation with a grain of salt.

There are actually three studies done and they are different variations of Study 1 to see if certain variables changed the results. The purpose of the study was actually to see if there was a temporary increase in closeness in the interaction, not to see if there was an increase in permanent closeness (although there were indications of permanent closeness which I'll elaborate later). The study was done with the belief that intimacy "converges on the central idea of sharing that which is inmost with others" which is reflected in the three set of questions used. Study 1 and 2 was done with the participants explicitly knowing the purpose is closeness while Study 3 was not.

Study 1 is basically the main one and it saw an increase in closeness regardless of same sex or cross sex pairings. Participants that disagreed on very important issues weren't paired (based on a questionnaire done earlier before being paired). Study 2 is the same but half were paired with moderate or strong disagreements on certain issues. There were no significant difference with Study 1 so it doesn't matter if they disagreed on certain issues, they will still get closer. Study 3 was based on extroversion/introversion, no significant difference as well. There was also an analysis on Study 1 and 2 of attachment styles(avoidant/dismissive,secure, etc.) and it's relation to closeness, and Study 3 has differences based on pairs (introvert - introvert, extrovert - extrovert, introvert - extrovert) but I can't be bothered to understand it.

So, after the study from 0 to 8 (on a scale which they gave out in a short questionnaire) which is not at all close to extremely close the mean obtained in the study was 4 compared to other relationships in the participants lives. This was done in 45 minutes with people who never knew each other's name in the beginning so it seems pretty significant. Also, about 57% had another conversation, 35% did something together and 37% sat together in class (college students) 7 weeks after the study.

The conclusion I gathered is that the intimacy arose due to opening up to each other over the course of 45 minutes simulates real life deep connections that usually only happens over a long period of time regardless of personality types or personal beliefs. On how it relates to your past relationship, it certainly looks liked it kick-started the relationship and emotional attraction you felt for him but the missing part of the equation was the physical attraction. On whether two random people can do the 36 questions and fall in love, I'll say it increases the chance but it won't work for those who truly are not compatible. I'm not sure about suggesting pheromone recommendations as I haven't use some of them yet but Connections from what I've read for opening up each other sounds like a good idea. I'll let the pros figure out what's best.

[Ildergreier]

Now that I've been reminded about these questions, I'd like to try with pheros. I'm thinking Xist or XS190 maybe? Any thoughts?

Try it out with Connections, it is like a truth serum.

[Muestereate]

I was always more attracted to women that could keep the mystery going. Does mystery interest women?

[Green Eyes]

I think women learn to be mysterious to seduce men. Lol

[Muestereate]

I guess I'll try to learn but some of these mixes make me talk to much

[Cheerio]

I would love to try this while wearing pheros... the thing is, do you just randomly take your phone out and say “hey, let’s play this game?” Of course I want it to happen organically. How do you proceed with starting this game?

ETA: Writing the questions on index cards and shuffling them sounds like it’d work perfectly! Just thought about that.

[Marianne]

I would love to try this while wearing pheros... the thing is, do you just randomly take your phone out and say “hey, let’s play this game?” Of course I want it to happen organically. How do you proceed with starting this game?

ETA: Writing the questions on index cards and shuffling them sounds like it’d work perfectly! Just thought about that.

I think it really depends on what kind of person they are – some will be more open to doing something like this than others... but you could do the whole 'My friend sent me a link to this really interesting article/study...' and introduce it, or a 'Hey I heard that there's this question-and-answer thing you can do to get to know someone really well' and approach it from a fun, experimentative, who-knows-if-this-will-work-but-let's-try-this-out-together type of angle??

I find the study fascinating and intentionally work a lot of the questions into the conversation if I'm talking to someone new. Sadly I haven't found anyone yet to do the whole hog with, including the four minutes of eye-contact, but that's a goal.

[Green Eyes]

I would love to try this while wearing pheros... the thing is, do you just randomly take your phone out and say “hey, let’s play this game?” Of course I want it to happen organically. How do you proceed with starting this game?

ETA: Writing the questions on index cards and shuffling them sounds like it’d work perfectly! Just thought about that.

I would just bring it out on a second or third date using the phone app and present it as a fun game that you heard about and wanted to try. A game that helps people get to know each other better. But like Marianne said, just feel the person out. A very intellectual type might find it interesting to know the research behind it. But I feel like if you introduce it as what it is, most men will not want to do it. Or feel like your trying to do some "Will he make a good boyfriend" magazine test on them.

[Cheerio]

I would just bring it out on a second or third date using the phone app and present it as a fun game that you heard about and wanted to try. A game that helps people get to know each other better. But like Marianne said, just feel the person out. A very intellectual type might find it interesting tp know the research behind it. But I feel like if you introduce it as what it is, most men will not want to do it. Or feel like your trying to do some "Will he make a good boyfriend" magazine test on them.

True. I already have a good strategy in my mind about how I'm going to work on this. It really depends on what we are doing. At some point, I want us to go on a walk at the park and just get to know each other. Perfect opportunity.

[Green Eyes]

That’s exactly how I did with my exe. We were at the park.