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**RTBoss** · 06-22-2016, 07:32 AM

My good friends are divorcing after 3 months of marriage. Smh. Anyway,

1.) Get an attorney, then start sleeping around as soon as possible (

)
2.) Not cheat for years behind your wife's back, causing you to not sleep with her, causing her to cheat on YOU and tell you about it as a cry for attention, to which you admit cheating b/c you now have a bruised ego (you can cheat, that's ok, but SHE can't!*sarcasm*) and then let it all go up in flames.

My friends are dumb.

**Ragnar Lothbrook** · 06-22-2016, 07:59 AM

Ok, well maybe that is worse than my situation. Wait a minute. How does that all go down in the first three months? So much for the afterglow.

**elvin.tan77** · 06-22-2016, 09:09 PM

Ragnar Lothbrook I don't quite understand your question. Care to elaborate more?

**KateD** · 06-23-2016, 08:48 AM

That is not a simple question. Also, marriage is a very serious, serious thing and so divorce is even more serious. Good families are the moral fabric of a society and the type of chaos and the back lash or divorce adds to the destruction of a society.

I have had a situation where a friend of mine told me she wanted a divorce.

I contacted her immediately to say "no you are not". Marriage is not easy and you need to sit and write down your grievances, the pros and cons of leaving and you need to think of what you could do more. Whether we want to admit it or not, it takes two hands to clap.

It is a good idea to sit down and write the person's bad traits as to the good traits. You may leave that person with 5 bad faults and end up with someone with 20 bad faults.

I have contemplated divorce and had to take my own advise.

Eventually, I did help that person go out on a date with her hubby and gave her some of my pheromones so they can reconnect at least sexually. I also showed her how to speak to her hubby even when he is upset and being mean. In marriage, you have to be generous with your compliments and stingy with your criticisms

Tell me, why did you ask that question or bring up this topic?

**RTBoss** · 06-23-2016, 11:10 AM

So true, Kate. I've read many articles about people who deeply regret divorce after doing so. Grass is greener, I guess. I'd work it out through every avenue possible avenue - hell, I'd even move to another country to see if it helps - to save my marriage.

**Ragnar Lothbrook** · 06-24-2016, 07:26 AM

I'll try to be as brief as I can. I don't believe in divorce except for extreme circumstances, like infidelity and abuse, to name a few. I'm faithful to my wife, I want to be married, we have 4 kids. She wanted me out of the house because in her words, she put up a wall and something needed to change and I'm always there. What a problem to have. Your husband's always home. I wasn't allowed to drink, and we didn't have cable. How do you invite buddies over to watch the game? I know, I had no friends. So, I've been living in an apartment by myself since December. We did have sex in January for the first time in a YEAR, and after she said it was a moment of weakness, and has never apologized, nor will she. In February I got a pinched nerve in my back that had me on the couch of my apartment for over a month. It hurt to walk or stand for more than 2 minutes. My "wife" never came to see me during that time. Never brought a meal. Never helped me with anything. Oh yeah, at Christmas she said let's have Christmas together and we can share the responsibility of buying gifts. Sure, I thought. We can save some money, and keep a sense of normalcy to the family. After I left on Christmas morning her mom came over with a dog that my "wife" had already purchased. There's more. I just can't keep bringing up this negativity and have a good day. Bottom line is I've been trying. I've been inviting her to be a part of things with me and the girls on my days. She has never reciprocated. My wife hasn't held my hand in like 2 years. After a certain point you get tired of being the only one that's trying. I'm faithful to a woman that hasn't shown me any interest. I'm so tired of being alone... I'm married.

**KateD** · 06-24-2016, 11:49 AM

Wow Rag! This post certainly hit me hard. I can't make heads or tales as to why she doesn't seem interested to work things out. What did you do that was so bad or maybe you realized something was wrong too late and she had already moved on emotionally.

That tends to happen a lot, the man is unaware as to what is going on with his partner, she tries and he is oblivious or pays no attention. Eventually, she moves away emotionally and gets over him before leaving the relationship. By the time she leaves, she had already moved on and he doesn't know it.

However and that is a big however, even if you move on, usually to be married to someone with kids and not care about them afterwards is confusing. After break ups it took me a while to not care what happens to my exes. In fact , I had to will myself to not care or worry about them because they hurt and left me

My advise is to try in directly. She has gotten use to you asking or begging for her back. She knows you haven't moved on so no challenge there. If I were you, I woul use this time to work on yourself, act aloft and not interested. In fact, act like you have moved on but still be super nice. Only you know what your plans are

When the front door doesn't work , try the back door.

Use Xist at times when you have to meet up to take the kids or she has to collect them. Treat it like a business transaction and focus on the kids. At times when she has to pick them up , use SOB to imply you have been with other women and indicate you need her to pick up the kids quickly cuz you are expecting someone.

She may need to be knocked off her high horse to realize she may loose you. If she doesn't feel she can loose you then she has no reason to try

**Ragnar Lothbrook** · 06-24-2016, 12:33 PM

Wow!!!! That's awesome advice, and most likely spot on about her emotional state.

That's the problem and difference with men and women. I could say exactly what I need her to do, or not do. She wouldn't tell me what I have done or not done, just that I haven't been meeting her emotional needs. If she keeps it ambiguous like that I'll never figure out what she needs. I need to know what that looks like to her. Like I could say to her that I would like it if we watched a game together and cuddled or whatever. I feel like she has said numerous times that she's already told me. So, I guess I'm an asshole for forgetting what she needs from me, and she'll never tell me again. I know that I'm not pinterest, instagram, or FB, so that takes up hours of her day without me. Her mom, no I don't even have time to go there. Briefly- her mom does projects for her, at our house, with no communication to me from either of them. I'm talking about when I lived at home now. I would go to work in the morning and when I got home our cupboards would be rearranged, the bathroom painted one day, and then a different color next week, our bedroom or basement rearranged. Meanwhile, wifey would get pissed if I cleaned out, or organized the garage. What does a man have left? Before I got the apartment, and especially now, she has focused hard on her relationship with our highschooler. So, with mother-in-law, dog, and teenage daughter, and her hour commute, or telecommute (which means she doesn't get work or home done), and time for herself I've been pigeonholed and deprioritized.

**RTBoss** · 06-24-2016, 03:41 PM

Thanks for sharing your story, man. That's hard. Have you guys gone to marriage counseling at all? It could help, if you can get her to go.

I don't know if you're open to it, but if you are - it will change your life. You're open to pheromones, you may be open to this. Check out Indigo Mind Labs. They are the cutting edge of subliminal science in the world. It's already changed my life. One of their latest subliminals is called Emotional Healing and Pain Relief Aid 2.0. It's amazing. 90 days listening to it will change your whole world for the better. The best money I've spent in a long time.

**Ragnar Lothbrook** · 06-24-2016, 04:35 PM

Wow, thanks. I'll check it out RTBoss. We've been to about 5 different counselors in 10 years. And still here. I used to say if we spend all this energy to get a babysitter and drive to and from counseling, why don't we just invest this time into an art class, dance lessons, dinner, bowling, softball, you name it. That's the only thing we haven't done is stuff together. I've been emasculated and borderline dehumanized in this relationship so none of my suggestions have ever really gone over.

**elvin.tan77** · 06-27-2016, 12:22 AM

Hang in there buddy. I know how that feels. It takes 2 hands to clap and it can get very demotivating if you're the only one trying but the wife ain't gonna cooperate. I'm unfortunately not gonna be able to help as cultural difference is just too great.

**Ragnar Lothbrook** · 06-27-2016, 07:16 AM

I was thinking yesterday while at my kid's performance. Wife and a bit of extended family was there. Why haven't I just gone for a divorce by now? I mean when she posts shit on FB it's never w/me, or even happy fathers day, don't get me started. I get to see the pictures of her single parenthood having such a great time being super mom. I even like some, if not most, of her stuff. She never likes any of my stuff, even when it's directly to/with her like Mothers day or something. It's like public humiliation. It could be worse. But, it could always be worse. I just want a hug. and it's not coming from my wife.

**KateD** · 06-27-2016, 12:13 PM

I did a survey with the hubby recently. It was something I got of facebook but I enjoy reading this blog called "Relationship rules". Anyhue, on it was a number of ways that men are totally misunderstood and it is not addressed.

Marriage is tough, so don't think what you are going through can't be anyone one of us marriage folks but you got to try hard , ALL THE TIME and try different things. I realize that the hubby and I are almost never on the same page so I decided to put myself and feelings aside and work on understanding him and giving him what he wants. He was more than happy to hear what the blog had to say, offer his input and say how it relates to him.If anyone has been reading my threads, posts, you will hear me mention that this man is always in his head.So, I have been looking and grabbing all opportunities possible to get him to talk and open up.

Growing up, my dad always did little things for attention, approval and compliments. For some reason when he did that, my mom would laugh at him , make him feel bad.I grew up thinking that a man who is looking for approval and attention all the time is pathetic. And despite not wanting to admit this, the hubby is a very sensitive guy and I did to him what my mom did to my dad.It wasn't as bad but until reading that blog it did not occur to me that it was pretty normal and Ok for him to seek that type of attention, approval and compliments. I always felt it was for women and men didn't need it.

There are times we only see one side of the coin and I am not sure why it seems she is happier without you but you may want to re track and figure out what went wrong with you two. What did you do and what could you have done better. It seems more and more like she is punishing or something more is at play here. There were only two of you in that relationship so you have to figure it out.

I may have given the wrong product choices, maybe you should have chosen products like Connections XS and Xist to open up communication. I am not saying you continue to nag her about getting back together. I still feel she needs her own personal space and come to realize your importance all on her own but these products may be better at triggering a positive response. It took a while for the damage to be done so it will take some time for her to come around. Be patient and give her time. Work on yourself and try to figure out what you did or could do better if you guys ever get back together.

Even with the way things are happening now, she probably feels like you haven't changed and may just be wanting you back in secret but trying hard not to feel back since she feels you don't get it.

The most important thing is progress. It is a win, win. You work on yourself and become a better person, you may win her back , even if you don't you improved and can feel like a champ knowing you tried and walked away a better and more improved person.

**Ragnar Lothbrook** · 06-27-2016, 01:08 PM

Thanks KateD. It's a long, long story. Before we got married she told me no drugs or drinking. I didn't drink, or smoke for a good 8 years. I had some Coronas at a Mothers day party a couple years ago. I told her about it months later, she got mad. I don't want to just tell all these, can you believe what she did to me stories. Point is I changed so that she would marry me. If you know the reference, I guess I'm Frank the Tank. I knew all along that I would turn into somebody that she didn't want. I wasn't me for years. So, I'm being me and I feel better about that. I know this had to happen for me to be me, and her to be her. I just want to be me straight up, but you know I have to be parent me, spouse me, and sometimes we lose sight of ourselves in that process.

I wish we could be ourselves even with the added roles, because we used to be good together. I want to be married to my wife. But I don't know how long I can play this pretend divorce/separation before I need affection.

**elvin.tan77** · 06-28-2016, 01:43 AM

Is it worth it to lose yourself over someone else? I mean, she should love you and marry you for who you are. You shouldn't have needed to change at all. Sorry if I come across wrong but I was in a similar situation and I hated who I became just because of my ex. In the end, after she left me I had so much to overcome.

**Ragnar Lothbrook** · 06-28-2016, 06:50 AM

Thanks elvin.tan77. No cultural difference there. That's real talk homie

A little different because we have 4 daughters. In her mind, I know she thinks she has legitimate motives. Basically, everything's always been my fault. She's just so unreasonable with me, yet completely tolerant of all others. Like a human black widow, or praying mantis. It's all me. I know all the cliches, it takes two, etc. Every night I go to bed alone in an apartment. Every morning I wake up in an empty apartment. I'm still faithful because this is my family. And if somebody told me my wife was going through some things, or had a disease, and this is what she needs, I'd do it. So, I am. It sucks though, and this might not just be part of her process, this might be the end.

I know work on me, blah, blah, blah.

**KateD** · 06-28-2016, 01:26 PM

Originally posted by Ragnar Lothbrook View Post

Thanks elvin.tan77. No cultural difference there. That's real talk homie

A little different because we have 4 daughters. In her mind, I know she thinks she has legitimate motives. Basically, everything's always been my fault. She's just so unreasonable with me, yet completely tolerant of all others. Like a human black widow, or praying mantis. It's all me. I know all the cliches, it takes two, etc. Every night I go to bed alone in an apartment. Every morning I wake up in an empty apartment. I'm still faithful because this is my family. And if somebody told me my wife was going through some things, or had a disease, and this is what she needs, I'd do it. So, I am. It sucks though, and this might not just be part of her process, this might be the end.

I know work on me, blah, blah, blah.

Like I said, you know your situation better than anyone. When it comes to relationships and marriages, they are unique because of the individuals but it usually ends up bad for several reasons. In your case if you know for sure it is not you and you have done and are doing all you can then just seek to be happy without her. I believe in destiny and that there is someone out there for everyone.

Maybe you guys had to be together to bring forth such amazing daughters and for you to appreciate the next woman who comes along even more.

My hubby was married before me. Even if she treated him like trash and left, he still wanted to go back because he wasn't really experienced with women and felt that after divorce there was nothing else. He wanted to hold on to someone that did not want him and a situation that wasn't good because he could not see the future.None of us can.

Are you going to beat yourself up and continue to be unhappy forever or consider the possibility that there is someone else for you that is better

**Ragnar Lothbrook** · 06-28-2016, 01:55 PM

Wow! You rock. I'm on team KateD.

**idle** · 06-28-2016, 07:31 PM

Originally posted by Ragnar Lothbrook View Post

Do you have recent experience with a divorce? Or do you have knowledge of a recent one?
Who are we kidding that's damn near everyone.
I only have 2 questions:

1. What's the first thing you should do? Yes, I know the question is ambiguous. I want to see how many different ideas I can get.

2. What would you or "your friend"

do differently?

Hey Ragnar... i am really sorry to hear this....
its really late by me... but i wanted to respond to your question,,, please everyone above have in mind i havent not red your responses prior to my reply....
sorry if i am repeating my self ...
BUT to everyone that responded above .. a huge THANK you....

sooooo Regnar
I got thru that situation recently... :/

Fist the my question is more to you than to everyone else ...

Do you want her back ?
Or you are just looking for an easy way to deal with it....

we men take break ups like expected (what a man should do in that situation) ....

at first ... we pretend that we dont care.... dont give a sh*t .. while act cool the first few weeks...
while women even if they are the reason(just saying) for the break up they cry and sob like someone died for the first 2-3 weeks....

the problem is.. after that initial 2-3 weeks period ..... if you still have feelings for her.. then you are f*cked my friend....
literally or any other way you choose... .....
you will miss her...

while She....
after that 2-3 weeks(of incubation) / of crying... She will be reborn as a new person ...
OMG how women manage to do this....

......
but anyway its a proven fact that women deal with break ups more easily after 2-3 weeks...

so my question to you is... do you still love her ?
please ask your self that .......

if the answer is yes.. act before those 2-3 weeks have passed.. just do it... even if all your friends will judge you..
think like: "look at that pu**y running back to his wife after all this"
Yeah but all those saying are not the one that will spend the rest of your life with you.. so please dont listen to other peoples advices, (including this post)

We dont know the situation so a proper advice cant be given here.

Maybe she is not the one for you....
.... sometimes is jsut better to move on..

I dont wont to give any other advice until you decide for your self ....how do you want to handle this
.....do you want to get back together?
or you just want an easy way to to handle the break up/divorce.
and again i went thru this a few years ago... and there is not a person in the world that can tell you whats right or wrong,,,,
IF you do love her.. than i can help you out with some mones to get her back...

BUT trust me... it wont be easy...

for example my wife before talking with me she was like

Copyright: fatihhoca

let me check if you have some pheromones on you

If you want a more private discussion call us we will be happy to help.

ps: pls dont use any sexual pheromones around her during this period/
any -none / copulins products etc

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