Angry teenagers

[NuTrix]

[Muestereate]

Oh I wish I was naive enough to allow myself make mistakes again and not expect repercussions.

[Muestereate]

I coached my customer service girl through some complicated billing. When we finished i asked her that what part was most useful to her. Seemed to drive home what she had learned a bti.

[Ildergreier]

You are spot on about this oh my goodness

Yeah, I am grateful I am no teenager.

[NuTrix]

[BobiiJo925]

I picked up a book a few months ago on coaching and laid it aside because my errrr "victim" decided to chase his ex and their kid across the country and try to become a rockstar. Meanwhile he was having a hard time tying his shoe. A teenager in an adult body with adult problems. He made some responsible decisions but broke contact since he hit the West COast. I've long known my style of mentoring doesn't work well with most guys, chicks ok, guys... I'm too cerebral and too easily talk about my feelings and stuff guys don't talk about.

About 20 years ago I was learning how to sell. My friend Larry, a priest was trying to help people find God among other things. He had just finished his 5th Masters and was striking out. All his education taught him to preach to people and to manipulate people, often through guilt to do the right things. He had had sudden spiritual upheaval and was trying to find another way.

One day he was teaching me about virtue and why good people do bad things and in return I shared a bit I was learning about how to question people to find out what their needs were. I had almost got fired from my dream job because I had an inability to listen to people. I was the kind of guy that you would ask for a red phone and I would push a black phone into your hand and make you take it. Fortunately the firm I worked in believed in education and investment and it was a rough go but I learned how to listen if I really tried.

As a natural outgrowth of listening I learned how to question people but always in very specific but manipulative ways. Salesmen are like that and so are man-whores. I shared with Larry about how powerful questions were and his eyes lit up. A few weeks later he returned to thank me and he was now having very good results. He already had the skill down from all the confessions he did but he was using it wrong. He had been using question to push people around into the doctrines of the church but now he was learning how to lead them with questions instead of pushing them. People were not sheep to be poked but a flock to be guided and everyone he worked with were free to come up with their own reasons for doing or believing anyway they wanted to and he was ecstatic about that as long as he could get them looking in the right places and in the right directions.

I've been looking for a long time for some simple but powerful questions to guide people to bring out their best.

Here are some question I am going to try to learn how to incorporate. I have no idea if they are any good but they feel powerful.

1. What's on your mind
2. And What Else, A.W.E.
3. What's the real challenge here for you
4. 1-2-3
   1. Open with: What’s on your mind? The perfect way to start; the question is open but focused.
   2. Check in: Is there anything else on your mind? Give the person an option to share additional concerns.
   3. Then begin to focus: So what’s the real challenge here for you? Already the conversation will deepen.
   4. Your job now is to find what’s most useful to look at. Ask: And what else (is the real challenge here for you)? Trust me, the person will have something. And there may be more.
   5. Probe again: Is there anything else? You’ll have most of what matters in front of you now.
   6. So get to the heart of it and ask: So . . . what’s the real challenge here for you?
5. How Can I help
6. If you are saying yes to this, what are you saying no to?
7. What was most useful to you?

Those questions aren't to be asked all at once. The book is a simple read. If it sounds interesting. I know its not about parenting but see if those questions prompt any sparks of communication. One at a time, be patient, listen is about the crux of the rest of the book.

The Coaching Habit

Honestly those questions are very good questions for parents to ask kids for sure. My son opened up this weekend more than he has in a while. It felt good and also made me sad because he doesn't know how to really explain what is going on inside his teenage mind. Luckily for him, I still remember feeling helpless and out of control all to well so it's easy for me to understand. I think he is starting to understand that no matter what, I have his back.

[BobiiJo925]

I actually miss my highschool days. With all the stupid stuff I did and all the crushes I wish I never had, it still seemed like a simpler time back then

I think it is a time to make your mistakes but to enjoy the lack of responsibility you have as an adult. Never having to worry about bills, kids, who is cooking today and you get to sleep

Maybe my teen years were nicer than I thought

I had a lot of trauma as a kid/teen. My kids have been through a lot but luckily as a teen my son has it pretty great. He still has a lot to deal with of course but you're not wrong, it was a lot easier being a teenager than being an adult!!

[BobiiJo925]

Teenage time is when we start to see (but not always aknowledge) that life is chaotic, and how people react to this as individuals is different from person to person, and when one count in things like becoming a grown up too, school, peers....

Being a teenagers is a nightmare.

You are spot on about this oh my goodness

[KateD]

Noted : Salesmen are like that and so are man-whores

[Muestereate]

It's certainly hard for me, this kind of stuff is real draining for me. If it was eay for me I wouldn't have to study

[NuTrix]

Sometimes it can be as simple as helping someone to voice their own thoughts out loud and then, by asking the right questions, helping them find their own answers

[Ildergreier]

I actually miss my highschool days. With all the stupid stuff I did and all the crushes I wish I never had, it still seemed like a simpler time back then

I think it is a time to make your mistakes but to enjoy the lack of responsibility you have as an adult. Never having to worry about bills, kids, who is cooking today and you get to sleep

Maybe my teen years were nicer than I thought

Perhaps they were.

[Muestereate]

I picked up a book a few months ago on coaching and laid it aside because my errrr "victim" decided to chase his ex and their kid across the country and try to become a rockstar. Meanwhile he was having a hard time tying his shoe. A teenager in an adult body with adult problems. He made some responsible decisions but broke contact since he hit the West COast. I've long known my style of mentoring doesn't work well with most guys, chicks ok, guys... I'm too cerebral and too easily talk about my feelings and stuff guys don't talk about.

About 20 years ago I was learning how to sell. My friend Larry, a priest was trying to help people find God among other things. He had just finished his 5th Masters and was striking out. All his education taught him to preach to people and to manipulate people, often through guilt to do the right things. He had had sudden spiritual upheaval and was trying to find another way.

One day he was teaching me about virtue and why good people do bad things and in return I shared a bit I was learning about how to question people to find out what their needs were. I had almost got fired from my dream job because I had an inability to listen to people. I was the kind of guy that you would ask for a red phone and I would push a black phone into your hand and make you take it. Fortunately the firm I worked in believed in education and investment and it was a rough go but I learned how to listen if I really tried.

As a natural outgrowth of listening I learned how to question people but always in very specific but manipulative ways. Salesmen are like that and so are man-whores. I shared with Larry about how powerful questions were and his eyes lit up. A few weeks later he returned to thank me and he was now having very good results. He already had the skill down from all the confessions he did but he was using it wrong. He had been using question to push people around into the doctrines of the church but now he was learning how to lead them with questions instead of pushing them. People were not sheep to be poked but a flock to be guided and everyone he worked with were free to come up with their own reasons for doing or believing anyway they wanted to and he was ecstatic about that as long as he could get them looking in the right places and in the right directions.

I've been looking for a long time for some simple but powerful questions to guide people to bring out their best.

Here are some question I am going to try to learn how to incorporate. I have no idea if they are any good but they feel powerful.

1. What's on your mind
2. And What Else, A.W.E.
3. What's the real challenge here for you
4. 1-2-3
   1. Open with: What’s on your mind? The perfect way to start; the question is open but focused.
   2. Check in: Is there anything else on your mind? Give the person an option to share additional concerns.
   3. Then begin to focus: So what’s the real challenge here for you? Already the conversation will deepen.
   4. Your job now is to find what’s most useful to look at. Ask: And what else (is the real challenge here for you)? Trust me, the person will have something. And there may be more.
   5. Probe again: Is there anything else? You’ll have most of what matters in front of you now.
   6. So get to the heart of it and ask: So . . . what’s the real challenge here for you?
5. How Can I help
6. If you are saying yes to this, what are you saying no to?
7. What was most useful to you?

Those questions aren't to be asked all at once. The book is a simple read. If it sounds interesting. I know its not about parenting but see if those questions prompt any sparks of communication. One at a time, be patient, listen is about the crux of the rest of the book.

The Coaching Habit

[KateD]

Teenage time is when we start to see (but not always aknowledge) that life is chaotic, and how people react to this as individuals is different from person to person, and when one count in things like becoming a grown up too, school, peers....

Being a teenagers is a nightmare.

I actually miss my highschool days. With all the stupid stuff I did and all the crushes I wish I never had, it still seemed like a simpler time back then

I think it is a time to make your mistakes but to enjoy the lack of responsibility you have as an adult. Never having to worry about bills, kids, who is cooking today and you get to sleep

Maybe my teen years were nicer than I thought

[Ildergreier]

Teenage time is when we start to see (but not always aknowledge) that life is chaotic, and how people react to this as individuals is different from person to person, and when one count in things like becoming a grown up too, school, peers....

Being a teenagers is a nightmare.

[KateD]

I love this advice, thank you.
He recently informed me that I always negative and that makes him look at things in a negative way and while I've always known I'm a pessimist I never realized before how it rubbed off on the children because my girls appear so damn positive. Since he said that I am making a big effort to use positive reinforcement and have a more positive outlook on things in general because I do not want my son. to be a negative person just because I am. My life caused me to be the way I am he shouldn't suffer from my trauma🤦🏼‍♀️.
He does do much better when we are doing things with him, he likes going camping, we just bought 4wheelers so we could do more than just camp too. He loves going on the trails and mudding. He loves going to the gun range, and that is something I very much enjoy. I'm not a big fan of the atv thing, I agreed to get one for him lol.
I know teen boys are not really as verbal as teen girls when it comes to their problems and that is hard for me because I am used my kids talking to me when something is wrong. He did up until about a year ago. My middle daughter is a little different she is on and off.
Being a mom is hard but being a boy mom is harder because I have no idea what is going on in his mind or body.

[KateD]

DUDE, SOME ADULTS NEED THIS

[NuTrix]

[BobiiJo925]

💞💞

[BobiiJo925]

No idea what's In Bitch. This weeks personal meditations are centered around getting things done. It is suggested that I focus on the good consequences of trying to do stuff I imagine to be within The Big Guy's will. TBH, I rarely focus on the good that might arise. Most of my actions are done to avoid negative consequences. Apparently like all things in the universe there is a balance and another balance i have not been aware of. I'm not studying Buddhist stuff this week but it would be along the idea of good Karma and bad Karma. Karma supposedly has more to do with action than consequence.

The problem with good consequences is they usually take a lot longer to see the connection. Time binds action to consequence, it not instant or fixed. How do we teach that to someone whose time on Earth and more importantly, the amount of time someone has tried to learn this is so short relative to our own?

Bad consequences are easy, I can sit around and piss an moan about things that went bad much easier than I can come up with a list of things that went well. Adding to the pessimism list are those things that take years to reap the rewards or pain. A simple lesson is now obscured in the fog of time.

Might I suggest small projects of medium complexity that are of your boy's own choosing. He has enough of other people's demands on him. Step two requires the completion of step 1 and step 3 requires step 2. and the final result which is the reward dependent on all those other somewhat unfulfilling taks. When I was a kid I learned this by building things. I built model airplanes, tying flies and guns. Another thing I liked was planning a camping trip. You get the drift, something HE would like and then you can show him how the parts connect and when it is finished you can have him look back at how right action has good consequence and importantly, How satisfying the work actually is. I have had a couple good employers and other teachers both spiritual and academic take me under their wings like this and fill in the blanks left over from childhood and make work and trying to treat others well fulfilling.

I love this advice, thank you.
He recently informed me that I always negative and that makes him look at things in a negative way and while I've always known I'm a pessimist I never realized before how it rubbed off on the children because my girls appear so damn positive. Since he said that I am making a big effort to use positive reinforcement and have a more positive outlook on things in general because I do not want my son. to be a negative person just because I am. My life caused me to be the way I am he shouldn't suffer from my trauma🤦🏼‍♀️.
He does do much better when we are doing things with him, he likes going camping, we just bought 4wheelers so we could do more than just camp too. He loves going on the trails and mudding. He loves going to the gun range, and that is something I very much enjoy. I'm not a big fan of the atv thing, I agreed to get one for him lol.
I know teen boys are not really as verbal as teen girls when it comes to their problems and that is hard for me because I am used my kids talking to me when something is wrong. He did up until about a year ago. My middle daughter is a little different she is on and off.
Being a mom is hard but being a boy mom is harder because I have no idea what is going on in his mind or body.