Angry teenagers

[Ildergreier]

I actually miss my highschool days. With all the stupid stuff I did and all the crushes I wish I never had, it still seemed like a simpler time back then

I think it is a time to make your mistakes but to enjoy the lack of responsibility you have as an adult. Never having to worry about bills, kids, who is cooking today and you get to sleep

Maybe my teen years were nicer than I thought

Perhaps they were.

[Muestereate]

It's certainly hard for me, this kind of stuff is real draining for me. If it was eay for me I wouldn't have to study

[BobiiJo925]

Teenage time is when we start to see (but not always aknowledge) that life is chaotic, and how people react to this as individuals is different from person to person, and when one count in things like becoming a grown up too, school, peers....

Being a teenagers is a nightmare.

You are spot on about this oh my goodness

[BobiiJo925]

I actually miss my highschool days. With all the stupid stuff I did and all the crushes I wish I never had, it still seemed like a simpler time back then

I think it is a time to make your mistakes but to enjoy the lack of responsibility you have as an adult. Never having to worry about bills, kids, who is cooking today and you get to sleep

Maybe my teen years were nicer than I thought

I had a lot of trauma as a kid/teen. My kids have been through a lot but luckily as a teen my son has it pretty great. He still has a lot to deal with of course but you're not wrong, it was a lot easier being a teenager than being an adult!!

[BobiiJo925]

I picked up a book a few months ago on coaching and laid it aside because my errrr "victim" decided to chase his ex and their kid across the country and try to become a rockstar. Meanwhile he was having a hard time tying his shoe. A teenager in an adult body with adult problems. He made some responsible decisions but broke contact since he hit the West COast. I've long known my style of mentoring doesn't work well with most guys, chicks ok, guys... I'm too cerebral and too easily talk about my feelings and stuff guys don't talk about.

About 20 years ago I was learning how to sell. My friend Larry, a priest was trying to help people find God among other things. He had just finished his 5th Masters and was striking out. All his education taught him to preach to people and to manipulate people, often through guilt to do the right things. He had had sudden spiritual upheaval and was trying to find another way.

One day he was teaching me about virtue and why good people do bad things and in return I shared a bit I was learning about how to question people to find out what their needs were. I had almost got fired from my dream job because I had an inability to listen to people. I was the kind of guy that you would ask for a red phone and I would push a black phone into your hand and make you take it. Fortunately the firm I worked in believed in education and investment and it was a rough go but I learned how to listen if I really tried.

As a natural outgrowth of listening I learned how to question people but always in very specific but manipulative ways. Salesmen are like that and so are man-whores. I shared with Larry about how powerful questions were and his eyes lit up. A few weeks later he returned to thank me and he was now having very good results. He already had the skill down from all the confessions he did but he was using it wrong. He had been using question to push people around into the doctrines of the church but now he was learning how to lead them with questions instead of pushing them. People were not sheep to be poked but a flock to be guided and everyone he worked with were free to come up with their own reasons for doing or believing anyway they wanted to and he was ecstatic about that as long as he could get them looking in the right places and in the right directions.

I've been looking for a long time for some simple but powerful questions to guide people to bring out their best.

Here are some question I am going to try to learn how to incorporate. I have no idea if they are any good but they feel powerful.

1. What's on your mind
2. And What Else, A.W.E.
3. What's the real challenge here for you
4. 1-2-3
   1. Open with: What’s on your mind? The perfect way to start; the question is open but focused.
   2. Check in: Is there anything else on your mind? Give the person an option to share additional concerns.
   3. Then begin to focus: So what’s the real challenge here for you? Already the conversation will deepen.
   4. Your job now is to find what’s most useful to look at. Ask: And what else (is the real challenge here for you)? Trust me, the person will have something. And there may be more.
   5. Probe again: Is there anything else? You’ll have most of what matters in front of you now.
   6. So get to the heart of it and ask: So . . . what’s the real challenge here for you?
5. How Can I help
6. If you are saying yes to this, what are you saying no to?
7. What was most useful to you?

Those questions aren't to be asked all at once. The book is a simple read. If it sounds interesting. I know its not about parenting but see if those questions prompt any sparks of communication. One at a time, be patient, listen is about the crux of the rest of the book.

The Coaching Habit

Honestly those questions are very good questions for parents to ask kids for sure. My son opened up this weekend more than he has in a while. It felt good and also made me sad because he doesn't know how to really explain what is going on inside his teenage mind. Luckily for him, I still remember feeling helpless and out of control all to well so it's easy for me to understand. I think he is starting to understand that no matter what, I have his back.

[NuTrix]

[Muestereate]

I coached my customer service girl through some complicated billing. When we finished i asked her that what part was most useful to her. Seemed to drive home what she had learned a bti.

[Ildergreier]

You are spot on about this oh my goodness

Yeah, I am grateful I am no teenager.

[Muestereate]

Oh I wish I was naive enough to allow myself make mistakes again and not expect repercussions.

[NuTrix]