Angry teenagers

[BobiiJo925]

Anyone know what to wear to tame angry teenagers? Seems like the older my kids get the more angry they become (at me). The 20 year old is great now out of her ugly angry teen years but I still have a 17 and 15 year oldWho else feels like they are getting it all wrong?🤦🏼‍♀️ Oof parenthood the scariest hood of them all, and I still would't trade it for the world. Call me a glutton for punishment.

[KateD]

Anyone know what to wear to tame angry teenagers? Seems like the older my kids get the more angry they become (at me). The 20 year old is great now out of her ugly angry teen years but I still have a 17 and 15 year oldWho else feels like they are getting it all wrong?🤦🏼‍♀️ Oof parenthood the scariest hood of them all, and I still would't trade it for the world. Call me a glutton for punishment.

You are way ahead of me when it comes to experience my love. Mines is 13 going on 14 so I just started with the anger, the attitude and feeling like I got it all wrong.

Let me tell you what I learnt from speaking to other parents just like I speak to other married people who get it real.

NO ONE HAS IT ALL FIGURED OUT OR ALL TOGETHER.

If you meet that person, show me so I can call them a fake to their face.

We are all trying and that is why love and support and going back to the drawing board helps


For my girl right now, what I do is I don't react when she is angry. I realize it has to do with a few things :

A crush
Stress at school
Social pressure at school
Moods from hormones


I wait till she is calm and ensure I speak to her. I address how it is never good to react that way no matter what the situation and allow her to talk about it. SHE IS A PARROT. We always get in a fight whenever I offer some advice so I learn to just listen more


If you feel like talking to them or even getting them in a good mood to open the doors of communication is difficult. I recommend

Connections
Bliss

Anything with Anol and Betanol to get them to open up and trust you

[Ildergreier]

I think this is a phase they need to go through.

[BobiiJo925]

You are way ahead of me when it comes to experience my love. Mines is 13 going on 14 so I just started with the anger, the attitude and feeling like I got it all wrong.

Let me tell you what I learnt from speaking to other parents just like I speak to other married people who get it real.

NO ONE HAS IT ALL FIGURED OUT OR ALL TOGETHER.

If you meet that person, show me so I can call them a fake to their face.

We are all trying and that is why love and support and going back to the drawing board helps


For my girl right now, what I do is I don't react when she is angry. I realize it has to do with a few things :

A crush
Stress at school
Social pressure at school
Moods from hormones


I wait till she is calm and ensure I speak to her. I address how it is never good to react that way no matter what the situation and allow her to talk about it. SHE IS A PARROT. We always get in a fight whenever I offer some advice so I learn to just listen more


If you feel like talking to them or even getting them in a good mood to open the doors of communication is difficult. I recommend

Connections
Bliss

Anything with Anol and Betanol to get them to open up and trust you

You're awesome I appreciate your advice and totally get what you’re going through. It will definitely get better with her, it seems the girls were much easier to get them to open up than my son. He was easier when he was young than the girls, but it's very different in his teen years. He's an amazing kid but he has the mindset of a man when it comes to talking about issues. My 17 year old makes her issues known but dealing with them is something else. I know she'll be ok but still.

[KateD]

What have you decided to use pheromone wise ?

[BobiiJo925]

I think this is a phase they need to go through.

I agree but oof. I respect my parents a lot for not throat punching me at their ages.

[NuTrix]

[KateD]

I agree but oof. I respect my parents a lot for not throat punching me at their ages.

I am with you there. I only have one and two toddlers but I find myself apologizing and so much nicer to my mom for what I put her through and now I understand so much.

Although. BACK IN MY DAY. Grabs my old ppl walking stick we were not that rude and wild.

[BobiiJo925]

I am with you there. I only have one and two toddlers but I find myself apologizing and so much nicer to my mom for what I put her through and now I understand so much.

Although. BACK IN MY DAY. Grabs my old ppl walking stick we were not that rude and wild.

No doubt! This gen is something serious. I have hope for ones how are raised by parents who had tough parents to teach them to parent the right way!!

[Coconut]

sorry can't help, mine are one 23 tommorw and the other 28, grown out of teenager years, we are back to adult intelligence, and less tantrums!

[KateD]

Wow, I long for the day I can say that

[Coconut]

No doubt! This gen is something serious. I have hope for ones how are raised by parents who had tough parents to teach them to parent the right way!!

I had very tough parents and i did it on purpose to not bring up my kids in the same way, and they are i'm sure growing up a lot better, just because you had or impose things on other people will probably not make you a better person

[BobiiJo925]

That is very true, I have raised mine much differently than I was raised and I took a harder road than my kids are. Thankfully my parenting seems to be working well even though teen years are hell.

[Muestereate]

Have you tried any male blends? Ascend or A1 come to mind. Even though kids need Boundaries they resent them. Within them is a space where things make sense. Inside them is also a safe space to regroup and adjust. A1 for the safety of a male and maybe Ascend. When I wear Ascend, the things I do seem to make sense to the people around me as if I know what I'm doing. Possibly Ascend could make any boundaries make sense even if they are resentful of them. Since I don't hear of many women wearing Ascend, could I suggest API?

I often temper my alphas around angry people with a bit of innocence so that I'm in charge but not to blame. Another classic along these lines is a Xist and Innocence combo.

I realize I'm talking all male products but that's what I have worked with around angry people. I don't think womens Xist would work. It has an undercurrent of fear and fear breeds more anger even if it is buried underneath the consciousness. I want to mention androsterone for maturity but that may in fact trigger kids so light on any of the male products. A little may give security, a lot could arouse age prejudices. Just the right amount should feel like your presence is a safe place to be. A1 could add some comfort of a male around the house. I know you are doing this mostly alone.


If the anger is status based. I have had good luck with The InBetween in angry family settings essentially extinguisher status based sibling rivalries that still exist during the holidays. InBetween is my favorite Thanksgiving dinner/prep Mone.

There are about 4 primitive drives that can be hurt or threatened that lead to anger. status ambitions, Sexual ambitions, social ambitions and financial ambitions. As Kate mentioned, the settings for these to play out would indeed be in the school.
Once one matures into adulthood these same ambitions turn into needs for security of acquired status, friendships, mates and financial necessities but I'm suspecting as kids these only exist as ambitions. It takes until we are about 40 for people to sort these out.

[KateD]

Good advice, definitely worth a try. I have Ascend XS. I need to give it a go when trying to talk to my teen

[Ildergreier]

I agree but oof. I respect my parents a lot for not throat punching me at their ages.

Yeah, me too.

[NuTrix]

Lil Nu is only 4, so I'm not there yet, lol. But first thoughts for experimentation that came to mind were:
A1 based anything or the single molecule
Cohesion
APi
We're hoping that being hard on her case about what is "appropriate response" now will carry into those years, but until we actually get there, it's all hypothesis

[BobiiJo925]

I think it is a pretty sound hypothesis I might have to try. Soak in this age mammaNu I miss it so much.

[NuTrix]

I promise BobiiJo925 I am!

[BobiiJo925]

💞💞

[Muestereate]

I find it hard to remember anything but confusion in early adolescence. Everything makes sense up till then. Suddenly, Wham! WTF! I'm dealing with hundreds of people and not dozens, and then hormones, and ugh, girls, I had almost conveniently forgotten about them. That guy I couldn't beat scholastically screwing up the bell curve so bad, suddenly it's a 97 for a A. So much at once. Dad's lost in booze and Mom's at work. I'm trying to figure it all out with a few guys at the lunch table and I'm not exactly hanging out with those guys screwing up my curve.

[BobiiJo925]

Everything went so wrong when my teen years hit! I feel like my son feels that way too and I understand him but I can't make him understand that I do😳

[BobiiJo925]

Have you tried any male blends? Ascend or A1 come to mind. Even though kids need Boundaries they resent them. Within them is a space where things make sense. Inside them is also a safe space to regroup and adjust. A1 for the safety of a male and maybe Ascend. When I wear Ascend, the things I do seem to make sense to the people around me as if I know what I'm doing. Possibly Ascend could make any boundaries make sense even if they are resentful of them. Since I don't hear of many women wearing Ascend, could I suggest API?

I often temper my alphas around angry people with a bit of innocence so that I'm in charge but not to blame. Another classic along these lines is a Xist and Innocence combo.

I realize I'm talking all male products but that's what I have worked with around angry people. I don't think womens Xist would work. It has an undercurrent of fear and fear breeds more anger even if it is buried underneath the consciousness. I want to mention androsterone for maturity but that may in fact trigger kids so light on any of the male products. A little may give security, a lot could arouse age prejudices. Just the right amount should feel like your presence is a safe place to be. A1 could add some comfort of a male around the house. I know you are doing this mostly alone.


If the anger is status based. I have had good luck with The InBetween in angry family settings essentially extinguisher status based sibling rivalries that still exist during the holidays. InBetween is my favorite Thanksgiving dinner/prep Mone.

There are about 4 primitive drives that can be hurt or threatened that lead to anger. status ambitions, Sexual ambitions, social ambitions and financial ambitions. As Kate mentioned, the settings for these to play out would indeed be in the school.
Once one matures into adulthood these same ambitions turn into needs for security of acquired status, friendships, mates and financial necessities but I'm suspecting as kids these only exist as ambitions. It takes until we are about 40 for people to sort these out.

This is very enlightening thank you so much. I have found Bitch seems to work in certain situations with my son. Not if he's in a really awful mood but when he just needs like a push to get stuff done and I need a push to get him to do it if that makes sense. The A1 definitely is something to try....

[Muestereate]

No idea what's In Bitch. This weeks personal meditations are centered around getting things done. It is suggested that I focus on the good consequences of trying to do stuff I imagine to be within The Big Guy's will. TBH, I rarely focus on the good that might arise. Most of my actions are done to avoid negative consequences. Apparently like all things in the universe there is a balance and another balance i have not been aware of. I'm not studying Buddhist stuff this week but it would be along the idea of good Karma and bad Karma. Karma supposedly has more to do with action than consequence.

The problem with good consequences is they usually take a lot longer to see the connection. Time binds action to consequence, it not instant or fixed. How do we teach that to someone whose time on Earth and more importantly, the amount of time someone has tried to learn this is so short relative to our own?

Bad consequences are easy, I can sit around and piss an moan about things that went bad much easier than I can come up with a list of things that went well. Adding to the pessimism list are those things that take years to reap the rewards or pain. A simple lesson is now obscured in the fog of time.

Might I suggest small projects of medium complexity that are of your boy's own choosing. He has enough of other people's demands on him. Step two requires the completion of step 1 and step 3 requires step 2. and the final result which is the reward dependent on all those other somewhat unfulfilling taks. When I was a kid I learned this by building things. I built model airplanes, tying flies and guns. Another thing I liked was planning a camping trip. You get the drift, something HE would like and then you can show him how the parts connect and when it is finished you can have him look back at how right action has good consequence and importantly, How satisfying the work actually is. I have had a couple good employers and other teachers both spiritual and academic take me under their wings like this and fill in the blanks left over from childhood and make work and trying to treat others well fulfilling.

[KateD]

DUDE, SOME ADULTS NEED THIS

[BobiiJo925]

No idea what's In Bitch. This weeks personal meditations are centered around getting things done. It is suggested that I focus on the good consequences of trying to do stuff I imagine to be within The Big Guy's will. TBH, I rarely focus on the good that might arise. Most of my actions are done to avoid negative consequences. Apparently like all things in the universe there is a balance and another balance i have not been aware of. I'm not studying Buddhist stuff this week but it would be along the idea of good Karma and bad Karma. Karma supposedly has more to do with action than consequence.

The problem with good consequences is they usually take a lot longer to see the connection. Time binds action to consequence, it not instant or fixed. How do we teach that to someone whose time on Earth and more importantly, the amount of time someone has tried to learn this is so short relative to our own?

Bad consequences are easy, I can sit around and piss an moan about things that went bad much easier than I can come up with a list of things that went well. Adding to the pessimism list are those things that take years to reap the rewards or pain. A simple lesson is now obscured in the fog of time.

Might I suggest small projects of medium complexity that are of your boy's own choosing. He has enough of other people's demands on him. Step two requires the completion of step 1 and step 3 requires step 2. and the final result which is the reward dependent on all those other somewhat unfulfilling taks. When I was a kid I learned this by building things. I built model airplanes, tying flies and guns. Another thing I liked was planning a camping trip. You get the drift, something HE would like and then you can show him how the parts connect and when it is finished you can have him look back at how right action has good consequence and importantly, How satisfying the work actually is. I have had a couple good employers and other teachers both spiritual and academic take me under their wings like this and fill in the blanks left over from childhood and make work and trying to treat others well fulfilling.

I love this advice, thank you.
He recently informed me that I always negative and that makes him look at things in a negative way and while I've always known I'm a pessimist I never realized before how it rubbed off on the children because my girls appear so damn positive. Since he said that I am making a big effort to use positive reinforcement and have a more positive outlook on things in general because I do not want my son. to be a negative person just because I am. My life caused me to be the way I am he shouldn't suffer from my trauma🤦🏼‍♀️.
He does do much better when we are doing things with him, he likes going camping, we just bought 4wheelers so we could do more than just camp too. He loves going on the trails and mudding. He loves going to the gun range, and that is something I very much enjoy. I'm not a big fan of the atv thing, I agreed to get one for him lol.
I know teen boys are not really as verbal as teen girls when it comes to their problems and that is hard for me because I am used my kids talking to me when something is wrong. He did up until about a year ago. My middle daughter is a little different she is on and off.
Being a mom is hard but being a boy mom is harder because I have no idea what is going on in his mind or body.

[NuTrix]

[KateD]

I love this advice, thank you.
He recently informed me that I always negative and that makes him look at things in a negative way and while I've always known I'm a pessimist I never realized before how it rubbed off on the children because my girls appear so damn positive. Since he said that I am making a big effort to use positive reinforcement and have a more positive outlook on things in general because I do not want my son. to be a negative person just because I am. My life caused me to be the way I am he shouldn't suffer from my trauma🤦🏼‍♀️.
He does do much better when we are doing things with him, he likes going camping, we just bought 4wheelers so we could do more than just camp too. He loves going on the trails and mudding. He loves going to the gun range, and that is something I very much enjoy. I'm not a big fan of the atv thing, I agreed to get one for him lol.
I know teen boys are not really as verbal as teen girls when it comes to their problems and that is hard for me because I am used my kids talking to me when something is wrong. He did up until about a year ago. My middle daughter is a little different she is on and off.
Being a mom is hard but being a boy mom is harder because I have no idea what is going on in his mind or body.

[Ildergreier]

Teenage time is when we start to see (but not always aknowledge) that life is chaotic, and how people react to this as individuals is different from person to person, and when one count in things like becoming a grown up too, school, peers....

Being a teenagers is a nightmare.

[KateD]

Teenage time is when we start to see (but not always aknowledge) that life is chaotic, and how people react to this as individuals is different from person to person, and when one count in things like becoming a grown up too, school, peers....

Being a teenagers is a nightmare.

I actually miss my highschool days. With all the stupid stuff I did and all the crushes I wish I never had, it still seemed like a simpler time back then

I think it is a time to make your mistakes but to enjoy the lack of responsibility you have as an adult. Never having to worry about bills, kids, who is cooking today and you get to sleep

Maybe my teen years were nicer than I thought

[Muestereate]

I picked up a book a few months ago on coaching and laid it aside because my errrr "victim" decided to chase his ex and their kid across the country and try to become a rockstar. Meanwhile he was having a hard time tying his shoe. A teenager in an adult body with adult problems. He made some responsible decisions but broke contact since he hit the West COast. I've long known my style of mentoring doesn't work well with most guys, chicks ok, guys... I'm too cerebral and too easily talk about my feelings and stuff guys don't talk about.

About 20 years ago I was learning how to sell. My friend Larry, a priest was trying to help people find God among other things. He had just finished his 5th Masters and was striking out. All his education taught him to preach to people and to manipulate people, often through guilt to do the right things. He had had sudden spiritual upheaval and was trying to find another way.

One day he was teaching me about virtue and why good people do bad things and in return I shared a bit I was learning about how to question people to find out what their needs were. I had almost got fired from my dream job because I had an inability to listen to people. I was the kind of guy that you would ask for a red phone and I would push a black phone into your hand and make you take it. Fortunately the firm I worked in believed in education and investment and it was a rough go but I learned how to listen if I really tried.

As a natural outgrowth of listening I learned how to question people but always in very specific but manipulative ways. Salesmen are like that and so are man-whores. I shared with Larry about how powerful questions were and his eyes lit up. A few weeks later he returned to thank me and he was now having very good results. He already had the skill down from all the confessions he did but he was using it wrong. He had been using question to push people around into the doctrines of the church but now he was learning how to lead them with questions instead of pushing them. People were not sheep to be poked but a flock to be guided and everyone he worked with were free to come up with their own reasons for doing or believing anyway they wanted to and he was ecstatic about that as long as he could get them looking in the right places and in the right directions.

I've been looking for a long time for some simple but powerful questions to guide people to bring out their best.

Here are some question I am going to try to learn how to incorporate. I have no idea if they are any good but they feel powerful.

1. What's on your mind
2. And What Else, A.W.E.
3. What's the real challenge here for you
4. 1-2-3
   1. Open with: What’s on your mind? The perfect way to start; the question is open but focused.
   2. Check in: Is there anything else on your mind? Give the person an option to share additional concerns.
   3. Then begin to focus: So what’s the real challenge here for you? Already the conversation will deepen.
   4. Your job now is to find what’s most useful to look at. Ask: And what else (is the real challenge here for you)? Trust me, the person will have something. And there may be more.
   5. Probe again: Is there anything else? You’ll have most of what matters in front of you now.
   6. So get to the heart of it and ask: So . . . what’s the real challenge here for you?
5. How Can I help
6. If you are saying yes to this, what are you saying no to?
7. What was most useful to you?

Those questions aren't to be asked all at once. The book is a simple read. If it sounds interesting. I know its not about parenting but see if those questions prompt any sparks of communication. One at a time, be patient, listen is about the crux of the rest of the book.

The Coaching Habit

[NuTrix]

Sometimes it can be as simple as helping someone to voice their own thoughts out loud and then, by asking the right questions, helping them find their own answers

[KateD]

Noted : Salesmen are like that and so are man-whores