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**zeratul** · 06-01-2019, 03:25 PM

I think this topic is not offensive at all. And, orgasm is way more complex than only cumming, although the cum is one of indicator of you reach your climax.

The physical aspects of orgasm which may be measured include:

Building sensations;
Flushing sensations;
Flooding sensations;
Shooting sensations;
Throbbing sensations; and
General spasms.

The emotional aspects include:

Pleasurable satisfaction;
Relaxation;
Emotional intimacy; and
Ecstasy.

So, as long as you enjoy the sensation of being 'climax' or your muscle surrounding contracted, I think you have already reached your orgasm (even without any liquid)

Source: https://www.myvmc.com/lifestyles/female-orgasm/

Well, this is theoritically. I also wonder the answer from the women!

**zeratul** · 06-01-2019, 03:30 PM

Oh and yess! Man are really concerned if they performed 'well', and sometimes we assume that women's cum is one of the indicators of your satisfaction (and some think it is the ONLY one). Soo, if they think so, you can reaffirm him that you enjoyed the sex and felt satisfied (in honest way, not trying to please him by lying). It would make him feel better.

**Vicki Lee** · 06-01-2019, 09:05 PM

Early 20s here reporting for sex talk duty! I love talking about sex! I think we’re going to get along just fine ????. I’ve been fucking around since 18 and have had my own personal share of Rendezvous.

There was something going around where people *cough* men *cough* use the word ‘cum’ and ‘orgasm’ interchangeably without differentiation and I don’t like it. I think of cumming as another word for orgasming when it comes to modern slang. And you can orgasm without “cumming” which also some people couple the term “cumming/creaming” with “Squirting”.

Majority of women cum from clitoral stimulation if anything else. Me personally I can “cum” aka Orgasm by just using my fingers or a vibrator without having to penetrate myself with a dildo. If you’ve ever laid down in the bed and had fantasies or watched porn while masturbating I think it’s safe to say you’ve had an orgasm before (hopefully?).

Not every orgasm has to be over the edge and earth shattering, usually the most intense ones I’ve had were from building myself up during solo play. Thinking of highly erotic fantasies for a while; for example I’ll rub my breasts/nipples, switch from mental fantasy to visual/auditory porn, edging myself, etc.

Ill never forget one time I was with a dude and the first time we had sex I had squirted on his dick and he was SHOOK ????????????! And then every time after that when we had sex he’d always ask me if the sex was good because I didn’t squirt again after that. Now I hate when I squirt sometimes because I feel a performative pressure like... Dude it was just a hot/intense fuck and not all of them will be on the same level as each other.... To be honest I’ve only had 2 guys make me squirt which I consider a complete orgasm (because I know my body can do it). Not everyone squirts when they have sex and that’s ok. ????????‍♀️ Porn has a lot of these dudes minds warped.

I would say I’m ok with not orgasming every time I have sex but... I’m really not. ???????? But that’s just me. Because guys get their nut seamlessly with no effort every time. I’m really not that deep into flings anymore because my body has to have some type of mental connection with someone before I can fuck them... Depending if liquor and or ???? is involved, there’s exceptions to the rules. ????????‍♀️ Every time I had sex with a guy I just wished that I had brought my vibrator with me... Not gonna lie, clitoral stimulation is a must and majority of dudes are not stroking pussy and rubbing the clit. Or if they do it’s TOO FUCKING HARD OVER HERE RUBBING IT LIKE A BROKEN JOY STICK, THAT SHIT HURTS BE GENTLE WITH IT!!! They think pounding your vagina with their dick and a few licks on the coochie hole does the trick. Nah. I’m done dealing with lazy motherfuckers.

(S.N. Black men do not eat pussy in my experience and I have been severely playing myself ????????‍♀️ With expecting that... Time to taste the rainbow I guess)

**NuTrix** · 06-01-2019, 10:04 PM

I almost always orgasm, but when I don't, I still enjoy sex A LOT.
I get wet before/during sex, so everything is always lubed up, lol, but that's not the same as orgasms.
I never say no to sex, even when I'm dog tired, because I know it doesn't take much to get me warmed up and the reward is always worth it.

Maybe it helps that I've been in LTRs and we have comfort and intimacy? Nah, because before that when it was just boy/girl friends I liked sex too

I've always had a wound up lobido though. I think even if I had less orgasms, I would still want sex just as much

I've had orgasms from self stimulation, mental fantasy, getting my SO off giving him head and him doing the same for me.

Satisfied without an orgasm? Hmm. That's a little different. It definitely isn't the same kind of satisfaction that orgasming brings, but it is enjoyable and pleasurable and I can say, satisfying in its own way.

My 2c

**Robby** · 06-01-2019, 10:48 PM

What a great question to ask, and I applaud your courage, asking the first question of this deeply personal matter.

As you understand through your own experiences, you are usually satisfied enough to just bask in the glow of pleasure that comes from just the experience without the strong need for a solid, well-defined finish. Men, on the other hand, feel that there must be a climax, with fluids, for that happy ending. Sex without an orgasm equals a bad experience for guys, even if everything felt great up to the point of stopping. So based upon gender alone, we look at orgasm with differing levels of importance.

There is a difference between being strongly aroused/excited and having a full-blown orgasm. And, as you already understand, orgasms can come in different intensities. I've known a number of women in your age bracket that have not had an actual orgasm. You are far from being alone.

I want to offer some thoughts, but first I want to ask a couple of questions.

Would you consider yourself an introverted person?

Do you find that you give yourself permission to "let go" during sex?

Do you find yourself completely "in the moment" or are you easily distracted during sex?

When you're with someone, do you find yourself focused on their pleasure more than yours or is your focus equally divided between yourself and your partner?

Do you have or have had, strong religious beliefs?

Thanks, intensecity.

**intensecity** · 06-01-2019, 11:11 PM

I consider myself both introverted + extroverted, but more on the introverted side....

I usually think i can let go myself during sex....But, when I think about it, maybe not totally if I can't reach an orgasm.... It could be that I went through all of my sexual life never actually trying to have one.... I just was most focused on making sure the guy + myself were enjoying it....

I am usually very "in the moment" during sex most of the times.... There may be times where I may get distracted by something I hear or see, but I am able to get back into it within a few seconds to minutes....

When I am with someone, I would generally say that I am focused on making sure we both have pleasure...@ the end, I am content enough that the guy was able to have an orgasm over me having one....That gives me way more pleasure than me achieving one....

I never had strong religious beliefs....I am kinda indifferent to religion in general....

I will add that I had one experience where I was fooling around with a guy who was hell bent on making me squirt as if it was that his whole purpose in that time....He spent probably @ least an hour fingering me until I squirted....I guess that could be the only time I came if squirting counts.... But, I got annoyed af because he was persistent in getting me to do when I had enough probably within half an hour.... Afterwards, he didn't give a fuck on whether I returned the favor which worked out for me because I was turned off in his persistence....I'm glad we didn't talk again after that.... I mentioned that experience because maybe it gave a little insight?

**siren** · 06-02-2019, 12:52 AM

I didn't have my first orgasm til I was around 20, and even longer than that to have one with a man. Maybe around 25 or 26? I'm only able to orgasm during sex in one particular position and only if I'm also rubbing myself. It gets boring tbh.

**siren** · 06-02-2019, 01:00 AM

Originally posted by intensecity

I am surprised that there has been no post made in this sub forum, but I guess it's up to me to take one for the team in devirginizing this area.... I hope this topic isn't too offensive....If it is, let me know or just delete the topic....I will understand with no hard feelings....

I started having sex before I turned 20 + been masturbating for years before that as of a young kid.... Through all of my sexual experiences including solo ones, I don't think I actually had an orgasm.... If orgasm means cumming.... I am not saying I never enjoy it because I have thoroughly many many times before....I don't think I have ever orgasmed if it involves cumming....I never came.... But, then when i think of it, I don't think I felt an orgasm where it's earth-shattering or how it's been described.... I have just enjoyed it so much to where I feel satisfied without needing something to come out of my body.... Over the years, I have grown comfortable to the fact that I don't need to cum nor orgasm to enjoy sex, but there has been a few men that I have been with who seemed to have feel some kinda way that I don't cum or orgasm thinking it's because the sex wasn't good enough..... Any of you are like me?

I feel like an awkward teenager who doesn't know about sex instead of a 36 year old that I am.... I did happen to just read something online that says cumming + orgasm is different....

I hope I made sense, btw.... A large part of me doesn't feel ashamed that I am lacking in this department, but a tiny part does....;-x

I do agree that men feel a bit let down or a blow to their ego if the person they're having sex with doesn't have an orgasm. But I also think that men don't know what female orgasms really look like.

Orgasms are more of a sensation. Ejaculation (cumming) is different. Most women don't ejaculate.

**Robby** · 06-02-2019, 09:53 AM

Thanks for answering my questions! I have a few more.

How would you describe your self-esteem?

Have you ever had sex while drunk or high?

Have you ever used a vibrator or other sex toy?

These Are the New Orgasm Statistics Every Woman Should See

https://www.mic.com/articles/113334/these-are-the-new-orgasm-statistics-every-woman-should-see

Are you not having an orgasm every time you have sex? You're not alone. Only 57% of women usually have orgasms when they have sex with a partner, according to new data from Cosmopolitan's Female Orgasm Survey. Now compare that to their partners, who…

The Sun in the UK reports that 1 woman in 6 has never had an orgasm. I feel that number is low.

**DBJ** · 06-02-2019, 01:47 PM

Originally posted by intensecity

I consider myself both introverted + extroverted, but more on the introverted side....

I usually think i can let go myself during sex....But, when I think about it, maybe not totally if I can't reach an orgasm.... It could be that I went through all of my sexual life never actually trying to have one.... I just was most focused on making sure the guy + myself were enjoying it....

I am usually very "in the moment" during sex most of the times.... There may be times where I may get distracted by something I hear or see, but I am able to get back into it within a few seconds to minutes....

When I am with someone, I would generally say that I am focused on making sure we both have pleasure...@ the end, I am content enough that the guy was able to have an orgasm over me having one....That gives me way more pleasure than me achieving one....

I never had strong religious beliefs....I am kinda indifferent to religion in general....

I will add that I had one experience where I was fooling around with a guy who was hell bent on making me squirt as if it was that his whole purpose in that time....He spent probably @ least an hour fingering me until I squirted....I guess that could be the only time I came if squirting counts.... But, I got annoyed af because he was persistent in getting me to do when I had enough probably within half an hour.... Afterwards, he didn't give a fuck on whether I returned the favor which worked out for me because I was turned off in his persistence....I'm glad we didn't talk again after that.... I mentioned that experience because maybe it gave a little insight?

God my wife could have been the OP! She's had troubles in the past just relaxing and letting go, culture... she's from the largest non-Arab Muslim country in the world, a really fucked up place, her race and religion made her a target to the native and muslum populations who are both in the vast majority. It took ages for her to get out of a repressed state. Very odd to me at first, she could get so embarrassed about orgasm that i could literally see her shutting it down, like fighting it.

You are on the right track, being able to let yourself relax and being able to stay in the moment. If you feel like you have a block, try to remove it from the equation. Don't focus on your orgasm, just build sensation. Don't focus on your partners orgasm, hell, if it's a guy... it'll probably happen for him. Relax and enjoy the act without any expectation, solo or with partners.

Your guy in the last example, are you two just a hook-up/FWB or just starting out a relationship? Did you tell him about your "difficulty"? *quotes were there for dramatic effect, not saying that there's anything wrong with you!
I'd advise not bringing the topic up unless you're in a long term committed relationship. Either way the guy is likely to think, "I'm going to make this happen NO MATTER WHAT!" and you'll end up feeling like an item on his chore list... not conductive to your goals i would guess, in an LTR you'll be able to tell him you're not a project without him getting butthurt, (at least i'd hope so, you never know how "delicate" a guy is this day and age).

Some off the wall thoughts:

Work out, and include Kegels. Get blood pumping and improve your fitness level. Helps in every facet of life.

Don't just focus on the usual erotic stuff. I'd imagine feeling pawed at will be counter productive.

Try dating a musician? NOT a drummer unless you really get off on spankings! Not to work too blue here but, someone who has good control, "touch" over their hands/fingers. And, someone who can treat the whole body like a symphony and not just focus on the "solo". More BB. King, Sweet Little Angel than Slayer's, Raining Blood. Save Slayer for when you are feeling more comfortable with them!

(...cont.) try, "playing" to a song, (BB Kings Sweet Little Angel is a good start) follow the guitar, not the lyrics, (unless you want to end up a Sugar Mama). Ry Cooders Feelin' Bad Blues if you want a slower ramp-up. Joe Satriani if you have a good understanding of music theory, (raawr!... sorry, i couldn't resist!)

How are the pheromones working out for you? Try a date night for yourself by yourself. Desire Me+ seems to have some positive self effects for women, that and p86 for yourself then toss a spray or two of Evolve in one of those stupid lightbulb powered airfresheners? Relax with a movie and some Tequila and see where the night takes you.

Or, if you live in a pot legal area, a bit of pot. Asian Fantasy is hard to get and hard to be sure it is real AF but it's a wonder in the bedroom, (being touched is amazing!). Girl Scout Cookies and Granddaddy Purple are great easier to obtain alts. personally my wife seems to enjoy the GDP over GSC for just relaxing
*Don't smoke too much and if you're new to it don't smoke if you have to be alert the next day. Literally one or two real puff(s) will help you relax if you're new, too much and you'll just end up sleeping.

Smile! Not something forced. Bring it to the forefront, genuine and happy smiles work wonders.

Oh and, (second edit), what is your environment like? The first time my wife was able to fully, (think rainbow over a Rainbird Sprinkler) we were vacationing in a Victorian style Lumber-Baron house. None of that Ikea crap furniture her culture seems addicted to. My theory being that the beautiful surroundings took her out of her workman like mentality.

**intensecity** · 06-02-2019, 07:09 PM

When I was younger, I used to have real low self esteem, but have gained way more self confidence in myself....I know I have grew to be a sexy goddess that I am now....

I have had a vibrator once, but then lost it....I didn't get another toy since because I just end up forgetting I even had one....So, I figured my fingers were enough....

The guy I mentioned before that was kept persistent in making me squirt was just a one-time thing....I am glad we didn't talk again because he was annoying with insisting on not stopping until I squirt....It took the pleasure out of it because he made it a chore...

I should try to use DM+ for just solo sexual play...I don't have the other blends that you suggested.... But, I think they are on my wishlist...I do have an air diffuser + wax warmers that I could use it in....

I definitely live in a legal state....I miss having sex when I am high....It got me way more hornier.... But, I can't partake for awhile.....I love me a good indica though....;-x

My surroundings are a mix of Ikea beds with asian antiques/ceramics....

**siren** · 06-02-2019, 09:24 PM

Vibrators cause more harm than good imo.

**Ildergreier** · 06-08-2019, 05:13 AM

Originally posted by siren

Vibrators cause more harm than good imo.

Not if you find the right one.

**NuTrix** · 06-08-2019, 06:33 AM

Originally posted by siren

Vibrators cause more harm than good imo.

As in how?
Like the same way they say guys jacking off (pardon the crudneess) can mess them up? As in, then you can only get off by yourself because you've got a certain expectation and can no longer get off with a partner?

**colorfulaura** · 06-08-2019, 06:55 AM

So far I can only make myself orgasm. A man has never made me orgasm as it takes too long.

**zeratul** · 06-08-2019, 07:53 AM

Originally posted by DBJ

she's from the largest non-Arab Muslim country in the world, a really fucked up place, her race and religion made her a target to the native..

Southeast Asian?

**Cheerio** · 06-08-2019, 11:08 AM

Hey girl, I haven't orgasmed either, I think. I say I think because a few years ago, I believe for my 22nd birthday, I went on vacation with this man I was dating & we had a crazy night. I got really drunk and woke up the next morning to him telling him that I orgasmed (don't worry, it was consensual because we talked about it beforehand). I'm starting to wonder if he only said it to make himself feel better.

Anyway, there are a few reasons why I haven't orgasmed.
1) I dealt with sexual abuse when I was younger which contributed to
2) Not feeling comfortable with my own body

I was extremely insecure. I'm petite with a pouch that I've always had since I was a friggin' baby. It's so weird. You'd think I had diastasis recti, but I haven't had any children. Never been pregnant. My boobs are uneven and yes, I know boobs are naturally uneven but mine are very obviously uneven. You can tell at first glance that one is bigger than the other and that one sits up better than the other. You guys, it took me an extremely long time to love my entire body.

Throw that in with growing up in a semi-religious household that wasn't sex positive. Sex was never discussed in the home, ever. I didn't know anything about sex. My mother wasn't spoken to about sex but somehow, a lightbulb didn't flicker in her brain to think that maybe she should do something her mother didn't do.

Oh, and I was engaged to a man who was forceful with me when (officially) taking my virginity. I would tell him that it hurt and he would say things like, "shhh" or he would get so frustrated. He'd also make comments about my body. See, this was a white man who grew up in a predominately black area in Philadelphia. So his idea of beauty was that of a video vixen. He'd make comments about how my hips aren't wide enough and questioned whether I was able to have kids. Speaking of kids, he knew I wanted them, but he didn't want them. Yet, he'd take me to Babies R Us to look at baby clothes & I remember spending one day hanging out with him and he started talking to me about baby names? He was a master manipulator. This is the same guy who randomly called me last year (and he has a Haitian girlfriend) and was trying to reminisce and told me sometimes he accidentally calls his girlfriend my name. He's scum. All of this contributes to the self-esteem issues I once had. This story of my ex and I can go on for forever but I won't bore you guys. This is why I'm not into hooking up with guys I find attractive, no matter how tempting it may be. I do not want to give my body to another person who can't take care of me and can't take care of my body. People will think that letting yourself have sex with a man means you'll automatically be satisfied just because you're vagina is finally greeting a dick, but it's so much deeper than a penis touching me. If there is no physical connection (non-sexual), no emotional connection, no mutual respect, no mutual understanding, I'm NOT getting off to that person. It's impossible for that person to make me orgasm. That's why when I tried to dabble in the life of being a sugar baby, I couldn't do it. I felt repulsed. But also I'm extremely family-oriented and relationship-minded, so with every date I went on with an older guy, I felt like I could have been on another date with a man I was actually attracted to, lol. Anyway, I'm rambling now.

Even till this day it's hard for me to masturbate without feeling embarrassed. I can't even fully get into it, so I don't even try. I don't masturbate.

But here's the good news, I stayed single for so long just so that I could date and love myself. Now, I don't know who that girl was years ago. I love my body. I have a normal sex drive (well maybe not normal because not having sex for 3 years will definitely do something to you, lol). And I'm getting more and more comfortable with the idea of touching myself to please myself. Y'all know I'm trying to find a husband. There's no way I would be able to find my perfect one being as insecure as I was. I just know that when I find a boyfriend, I will finally experience orgasms because if I ever get a boyfriend, that means he is perfect for me (otherwise, I'm staying single, lol).

Also, you shouldn't feel embarrassed bc 75% of women can't orgasm via vaginal penetration.

**intensecity** · 06-08-2019, 01:32 PM

Originally posted by colorfulaura

So far I can only make myself orgasm. A man has never made me orgasm as it takes too long.

I think that's probably a major reason why I haven't tried to put in effort to orgasm by myself or with someone else because I am too lazy to want to put it in the time in getting myself to....I figured it would take @ least more than an hour to get there especially @ the first time.... ;-x

**Ildergreier** · 06-08-2019, 01:44 PM

Hmm, I am going to help you girls, just give me some time.

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I don't think I ever orgasmed?

I don't think I ever orgasmed?

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