I don't think I ever orgasmed?

[Mysticbeauty]

Early 20s here reporting for sex talk duty! I love talking about sex! I think we’re going to get along just fine ????. I’ve been fucking around since 18 and have had my own personal share of Rendezvous.


There was something going around where people *cough* men *cough* use the word ‘cum’ and ‘orgasm’ interchangeably without differentiation and I don’t like it. I think of cumming as another word for orgasming when it comes to modern slang. And you can orgasm without “cumming” which also some people couple the term “cumming/creaming” with “Squirting”.

Majority of women cum from clitoral stimulation if anything else. Me personally I can “cum” aka Orgasm by just using my fingers or a vibrator without having to penetrate myself with a dildo. If you’ve ever laid down in the bed and had fantasies or watched porn while masturbating I think it’s safe to say you’ve had an orgasm before (hopefully?).

Not every orgasm has to be over the edge and earth shattering, usually the most intense ones I’ve had were from building myself up during solo play. Thinking of highly erotic fantasies for a while; for example I’ll rub my breasts/nipples, switch from mental fantasy to visual/auditory porn, edging myself, etc.

Ill never forget one time I was with a dude and the first time we had sex I had squirted on his dick and he was SHOOK ????????????! And then every time after that when we had sex he’d always ask me if the sex was good because I didn’t squirt again after that. Now I hate when I squirt sometimes because I feel a performative pressure like... Dude it was just a hot/intense fuck and not all of them will be on the same level as each other.... To be honest I’ve only had 2 guys make me squirt which I consider a complete orgasm (because I know my body can do it). Not everyone squirts when they have sex and that’s ok. ????????*♀️ Porn has a lot of these dudes minds warped.

I would say I’m ok with not orgasming every time I have sex but... I’m really not. ???????? But that’s just me. Because guys get their nut seamlessly with no effort every time. I’m really not that deep into flings anymore because my body has to have some type of mental connection with someone before I can fuck them... Depending if liquor and or ???? is involved, there’s exceptions to the rules. ????????*♀️ Every time I had sex with a guy I just wished that I had brought my vibrator with me... Not gonna lie, clitoral stimulation is a must and majority of dudes are not stroking pussy and rubbing the clit. Or if they do it’s TOO FUCKING HARD OVER HERE RUBBING IT LIKE A BROKEN JOY STICK, THAT SHIT HURTS BE GENTLE WITH IT!!! They think pounding your vagina with their dick and a few licks on the coochie hole does the trick. Nah. I’m done dealing with lazy motherfuckers.

(S.N. Black men do not eat pussy in my experience and I have been severely playing myself ????????*♀️ With expecting that... Time to taste the rainbow I guess)

Damn girl you just told it like it is! But I agree 100%

[PumpedUpKids]

Me neither, but it's not a big deal for me.

[colorfulaura]

How old are you? It must be a generational thing because... LOL idk whats going on out here with these dudes and the Oral sex double standards.

Right... If you can't lick it you can't stick it is my rule.

[ChocolateMarshmallow]

I am 51 turning 52...
It is fun to give your partner the satisfaction...

[Vicki Lee]

You say black men do not like to lick (oral), I ENJOY IT!! Actually it us one of the few things I make sure we do, BEFORE having sex, besides raising her expectations, knowing when to caress scratch or nibble (pay attention to her body as it reacts to different stimuli) this can go on for a couple hours, and I will still happily enjoy blue balls.

Why because I know the next time (unless she is selfish, cultural taboos about enjoying or hung up on too many porn movies), she us willing to reciprocate the giving...

Makes for intensive time. Yes we men sometimes, not all the time have a one tract mind (squeeze the breasts, and make beeline to the 101). I also ask if she fantasies about sex and positions.

Knowing her as much before actually taking the dipstick to measure.

If she is relax and is COMFORTABLE, she will normally orgasm (maybe some TAC wisdom help)

CM

How old are you? It must be a generational thing because... LOL idk whats going on out here with these dudes and the Oral sex double standards.

[ChocolateMarshmallow]

Sorry about the double entry, tried to put it under one of the response, but timed out.

[ChocolateMarshmallow]

You say black men do not like to lick (oral), I ENJOY IT!! Actually it us one of the few things I make sure we do, BEFORE having sex, besides raising her expectations, knowing when to caress scratch or nibble (pay attention to her body as it reacts to different stimuli) this can go on for a couple hours, and I will still happily enjoy blue balls.

Why because I know the next time (unless she is selfish, cultural taboos about enjoying or hung up on too many porn movies), she us willing to reciprocate the giving...

Makes for intensive time. Yes we men sometimes, not all the time have a one tract mind (squeeze the breasts, and make beeline to the 101). I also ask if she fantasies about sex and positions.

Knowing her as much before actually taking the dipstick to measure.

If she is relax and is COMFORTABLE, she will normally orgasm (maybe some TAC wisdom help)

CM

[ChocolateMarshmallow]

You say black men do not like to lick (oral), I ENJOY IT!! Actually it us one of the few things I make sure we do, BEFORE having sex, besides raising her expectations, knowing when to caress scratch or nibble (pay attention to her body as it reacts to different stimuli) this can go on for a couple hours, and I will still happily enjoy blue balls.

Why because I know the next time (unless she is selfish, cultural taboos about enjoying or hung up on too many porn movies), she us willing to reciprocate the giving...

Makes for intensive time. Yes we men sometimes, not all the time have a one tract mind (squeeze the breasts, and make beeline to the 101). I also ask if she fantasies about sex and positions.

Knowing her as much before actually taking the dipstick to measure.

If she is relax and is COMFORTABLE, she will normally orgasm (maybe some TAC wisdom help)

CM

[Cheerio]

Cheerio wow, that's deep and thank you for sharing your personal experience.

Aww, you guys enlighten me about female sexuality!

Of course!
& that's not even all of the story. I've lived an interesting life, but it's all made me who I am. No regrets.
I think if a lot of men weren't so into themselves, they could learn a lot by listening to us.

I hope to find someone who asks me questions instead of assuming. There's nothing wrong with sitting down & listening to what a woman has to say.

[zeratul]

Cheerio wow, that's deep and thank you for sharing your personal experience.

Aww, you guys enlighten me about female sexuality!

[DBJ]

yep.

[colorfulaura]

I think that's probably a major reason why I haven't tried to put in effort to orgasm by myself or with someone else because I am too lazy to want to put it in the time in getting myself to....I figured it would take @ least more than an hour to get there especially @ the first time.... ;-x

Try to dig into what turns you on. I can make myself orgasm within 20 minutes but it would take about an hour for a man to make me cum because they're typically more impatient which turns me off. Foreplay is the most important part of sex for me since for me, sex is mostly mental. This isn't the case for everyone though. For you, I would read up on books about sexuality. We all have different sexual archetypes. The physical is only one part of sex (or rather the physical is driven by the others). The mental, psychological and emotional parts of sex are even more important in getting you to that point in climax.

I'm reading The Sexual Self now which is really insightful on the psychological urges with sex. Depending on your sexual archetype, you'll have specific desires and triggers that will make it easier for you to climax.

[siren]

As in how?
Like the same way they say guys jacking off (pardon the crudneess) can mess them up? As in, then you can only get off by yourself because you've got a certain expectation and can no longer get off with a partner?

In a way, yes.

I've noticed after using vibrators that it can cause the following:
- addiction to that type of sensation and orgasm
- loss of sensation after some time, possible nerve damage?
- pain if you use it too often and too long

So, I try not to use my current vibrator very often and I take long breaks after using it.

I've also noticed a G-spot orgasm feels different and less intense than a clitoral orgasm. None of my orgasms are ever very intense unless it's g-spot and clitoral simultaneously, which is rare. ????♀️

[Cheerio]

Hmm, I am going to help you girls, just give me some time.

[Ildergreier]

Hmm, I am going to help you girls, just give me some time.

[Cheerio]

intensecity - Thank you, and I'm always happy to share & thank you so much! <3

[intensecity]

So far I can only make myself orgasm. A man has never made me orgasm as it takes too long.

I think that's probably a major reason why I haven't tried to put in effort to orgasm by myself or with someone else because I am too lazy to want to put it in the time in getting myself to....I figured it would take @ least more than an hour to get there especially @ the first time.... ;-x

[intensecity]

I'm not embarrassed of not cumming/orgasming....I was just curious if anyone on here hasn't...I know you will find the husband you have always wanted/wished for because you are a beautiful being....<3

[intensecity]

Thank you so much for being comfortable enough to share your story....It was a beautiful post! *hugs*

[Cheerio]

Hey girl, I haven't orgasmed either, I think. I say I think because a few years ago, I believe for my 22nd birthday, I went on vacation with this man I was dating & we had a crazy night. I got really drunk and woke up the next morning to him telling him that I orgasmed (don't worry, it was consensual because we talked about it beforehand). I'm starting to wonder if he only said it to make himself feel better.

Anyway, there are a few reasons why I haven't orgasmed.
1) I dealt with sexual abuse when I was younger which contributed to
2) Not feeling comfortable with my own body

I was extremely insecure. I'm petite with a pouch that I've always had since I was a friggin' baby. It's so weird. You'd think I had diastasis recti, but I haven't had any children. Never been pregnant. My boobs are uneven and yes, I know boobs are naturally uneven but mine are very obviously uneven. You can tell at first glance that one is bigger than the other and that one sits up better than the other. You guys, it took me an extremely long time to love my entire body.

Throw that in with growing up in a semi-religious household that wasn't sex positive. Sex was never discussed in the home, ever. I didn't know anything about sex. My mother wasn't spoken to about sex but somehow, a lightbulb didn't flicker in her brain to think that maybe she should do something her mother didn't do.

Oh, and I was engaged to a man who was forceful with me when (officially) taking my virginity. I would tell him that it hurt and he would say things like, "shhh" or he would get so frustrated. He'd also make comments about my body. See, this was a white man who grew up in a predominately black area in Philadelphia. So his idea of beauty was that of a video vixen. He'd make comments about how my hips aren't wide enough and questioned whether I was able to have kids. Speaking of kids, he knew I wanted them, but he didn't want them. Yet, he'd take me to Babies R Us to look at baby clothes & I remember spending one day hanging out with him and he started talking to me about baby names? He was a master manipulator. This is the same guy who randomly called me last year (and he has a Haitian girlfriend) and was trying to reminisce and told me sometimes he accidentally calls his girlfriend my name. He's scum. All of this contributes to the self-esteem issues I once had. This story of my ex and I can go on for forever but I won't bore you guys. This is why I'm not into hooking up with guys I find attractive, no matter how tempting it may be. I do not want to give my body to another person who can't take care of me and can't take care of my body. People will think that letting yourself have sex with a man means you'll automatically be satisfied just because you're vagina is finally greeting a dick, but it's so much deeper than a penis touching me. If there is no physical connection (non-sexual), no emotional connection, no mutual respect, no mutual understanding, I'm NOT getting off to that person. It's impossible for that person to make me orgasm. That's why when I tried to dabble in the life of being a sugar baby, I couldn't do it. I felt repulsed. But also I'm extremely family-oriented and relationship-minded, so with every date I went on with an older guy, I felt like I could have been on another date with a man I was actually attracted to, lol. Anyway, I'm rambling now.

Even till this day it's hard for me to masturbate without feeling embarrassed. I can't even fully get into it, so I don't even try. I don't masturbate.

But here's the good news, I stayed single for so long just so that I could date and love myself. Now, I don't know who that girl was years ago. I love my body. I have a normal sex drive (well maybe not normal because not having sex for 3 years will definitely do something to you, lol). And I'm getting more and more comfortable with the idea of touching myself to please myself. Y'all know I'm trying to find a husband. There's no way I would be able to find my perfect one being as insecure as I was. I just know that when I find a boyfriend, I will finally experience orgasms because if I ever get a boyfriend, that means he is perfect for me (otherwise, I'm staying single, lol).

Also, you shouldn't feel embarrassed bc 75% of women can't orgasm via vaginal penetration.