The friendzone thread

[SecretV]

OK. So some of you know my pickle however I honestly doubt I'm the only wench with that kinda problem. So I decided to start this thread as a pot is information regarding getting the hell out of a "friendzone". What pheros to use? How to flirt without making life awkward, reading body language perhaps? And anything you feel could help ladies stuck in this awkward goo.

[Ildergreier]

Out of the friend zone.. you use Xist and then something fun/sexy (Tease/Babe/Love Boat) when you are in a social group and something comforting/intimacy (Innocence/Sweetness) when on a date .

[SecretV]

Friendzones are usually scarce in dates but I know what you mean. I'm waiting for my love boat and babe

[Delight]

What was his reaction when you pulled back the sex? Is he dating other people?

[SecretV]

I didn't pull back. It was more of a gradual thing. And no, he's not

[Bosrel]

Coming from a Man’s perspective I find it a little odd that women are struggling to get out of the friend zone. I find myself stuck in the friend zone quite frequently when I fall for a woman. The only women that I’ve intentionally friend zoned myself were ones that I had zero sexual attraction to and this is probably why I find myself friend zoned a lot is that I treat the women I’m interested in differently than the women I’m not interested in. I’d say that from my point of view if a female friend that I found attractive showed interest in me, there’d be no need for pheromones to seal the deal. I know a lot of guys are daft at picking up signals, myself included when it involves me directly. I’m currently stuck in the friend zone with a woman that I’m crazy about and before she could give me “the speech” I preempted her by letting my feelings known and telling her that I know I haven’t been a good friend to her and I’m working on being a better person. But staying friends with her is extremely difficult knowing she doesn’t see me that way and is out with other guys.

[SecretV]

I don't think many people "friendzone" on purpose. Personally I just don't as I believe everyone deserves a chance. At the same time if the chemistry isn't there - it just isn't there for me. I'm mainly friends with guys and with most of them sex wasn't even considered as there's no attraction.

[Delight]

He hasn’t friend zoned you. In order to get love and commitment from him, you have to stop the sex. Right now, you’re showing him that you don’t expect love and commitment, and some guys are just about the sex. They will not commit unless they need or want to. Start dating other guys. He needs to know that you’re not having sex with them, but that you are opening up your options, and see what he does.

[Isis]

xist4w is supposed to take you out of the friend zone. Though I haven't had experience myself with that purpose in mind.

I had an ex reconsider getting back with me a few times with the use of pheros + other techniques. We are friends. I wasn't able to get him back into a relationship though he did ask to get back together when I moved on.

I think displaying sexual body language without giving in to sex would trigger his interest. I displayed traits he found desirable in a long term partner and used pheros that were congruent with it. The thing that pushed it over the edge was the idea of another male sniffing around me. That was for this particular situation, I'm sure it is different because it was someone I dated.

I've found the above to be just a deviation from the standard formula. As it would vary from individual to individual. But generally:

Showing them traits they desire & acting enthralled and in awe with everything they say (latter not recommended as a relationship like that is not fulfilling, but I found it to be very effective + Independence/non clinginess (like Delight suggested, showing you have other options w/o showing that youre intimate with them) + Displaying sexual body language/igniting sexual interest without giving in

[Scottie2Hottie]

As with many things in life I don't think are any hard and fast rules governing the friend zone issue. It comes down to whether there is a sexual attraction and what you choose to do about. Let's face face, mutual intellectual attraction without physical attraction is just friendship. The same could be said for emotional attraction. I have many gal pals whom I love dearly but i would never engage in physical relationship. Some we have tabled a possible sexual relationship but we don't want to risk what we have for something that can be so fleeting as sex. That being said, I've probably had more FWB than "traditional" relationships. In most of those cases expectations were discussed openly and boundaries were set. Out of mutual respect we honored those terms. Those were the successes. In other cases things were kind of willy nilly and it got messy. Dear friends are rare. I value that more than sex.

Some of you have espoused playing hard to get. That's never worked for me. Play hard to get and I get gone. Be genuine. If you're attracted then show it. I love a woman who is direct. She knows what she wants and isn't afraid to go for it. But, i love strong women. While demure CAN be hot at the end of the day you got to show me what you're made of. Im not gonna waste my time chasing a flake. Shy girls are flakes. They like to play games and send mixed signals. I've got no time for that. Be a woman, not a little girl.

[SecretV]

I've stopped being a girl a long time ago. I'm direct and straight forward. There is a sexual attraction there otherwise we wouldn't have ended up having sex and a lot of it.
He knows that as a general rule I don't need to date or be with a dude to be happy so me dating other guys would be out of character and just weird. I don't do dates and I'm too old and too hot to play games.

[Scottie2Hottie]

Is he showing sexual interest in other women?

[SecretV]

nope. He met up with a lass he's been talking to online about two months ago but it didn't really work. He hasn't mentioned anyone.

[Delight]

It seems like you have your heart set on him. It seems to me that what you want from him is a commitment from him and him alone, but if he is not ready to or unwilling. What’s plan b? I mean it’s great that you have the confidence to know that you’re hot and a high value female, but if he doesn’t see your value than he’s taking advantage of it. He’s seeing that he doesn’t even have to work for this. It’s not that it’s a game. It’s a mutual respect.

[SecretV]

As I said. I'm quite comfortable without being with anyone. I know he respects me a lot and the last 6 years have shown that on multiple occasions.

as for plan B? See where life goes. Never been the kind to go out looking for a new flame so don't see a reason to change it now.

[Isis]

I don't need to date or be with a dude to be happy so me dating other guys would be out of character and just weird. I don't do dates and I'm too old and too hot to play games.

I don't think going on dates = needing a dude to be happy. But I don't know you or Sasquatch so maybe that is what he equates you going on dates to be??

The purpose of going on dates is to increase your perceived value to Sasquatch. From my experience, men will act more swiftly when they feel like the favorite toy that they took for granted can be taken away at any moment. But before that, value has to be established. Yes, it can be seen as playing games. But when I left advice, it wasn't with ethics in mind, just the end goal.

Some of you have espoused playing hard to get. That's never worked for me. Play hard to get and I get gone. Be genuine. If you're attracted then show it. I love a woman who is direct. She knows what she wants and isn't afraid to go for it. But, i love strong women. While demure CAN be hot at the end of the day you got to show me what you're made of. Im not gonna waste my time chasing a flake. Shy girls are flakes. They like to play games and send mixed signals. I've got no time for that. Be a woman, not a little girl.

From SecretV's previous posts she seems to be direct and it hadn't been working in her favor thus far(@SecretV feel free to correct me if I'm wrong). Playing hard to get works when done right. If you felt like you were chasing endlessly, these women that weren't doing it right. It's a balancing act and a matter of making them FEEL like they are almost there but still not quite getting something (even if you are having sex with them).

[Scottie2Hottie]

I don't think going on dates = needing a dude to be happy. But I don't know you or Sasquatch so maybe that is what he equates you going on dates to be??

The purpose of going on dates is to increase your perceived value to Sasquatch. From my experience, men will act more swiftly when they feel like the favorite toy that they took for granted can be taken away at any moment. But before that, value has to be established. Yes, it can be seen as playing games. But when I left advice, it wasn't with ethics in mind, just the end goal.



From SecretV's previous posts she seems to be direct and it hadn't been working in her favor thus far(@SecretV feel free to correct me if I'm wrong). Playing hard to get works when done right. If you felt like you were chasing endlessly, these women that weren't doing it right. It's a balancing act and a matter of making them FEEL like they are almost there but still not quite getting something (even if you are having sex with them).

Point taken. I can only speak from my own standpoint. Playing hard to get had never worked with. I refuse to waste my time on a pipe dream. That being said, I do believe that I am an atypical male. .Things which may work on other men fall flat with me. As I've said I prefer direct women. Case in point, I've been introduced to women who, instead of shaking my hand, grabbed my junk. Within 30 minutes we were getting it on. Did I mention that I'm a manwhore? Lol

[Isis]

Wow! Without previous IOI's from you? Bold!

[Delight]

If you want a long term commitment from him, he needs to bond with you first. Most men don’t bond through sex. They bond through communication and shared experiences. I’m not sure what kind of blends the store has that can help you with communication. I’m sure others can offer suggestions, if you’re interested in those blends. Keep wearing your bonding molecules, but also enhance the quality of your communication, and do things together that don’t have to do with sex.

[SecretV]

we tend to spend a lot of time together and do a lot together. Be it errands or social outings

[Bosrel]

I’d agree that men don’t bond through sex. I’ve never fallen for anyone I’ve had sex with and all the ones I have fallen for I’ve never had sex with unfortunately.

[SecretV]

haha haha. I have found with Sasquatch it's all about timing. knowing when to be direct and when to be subtle.
For example first time we ended up having sex was because I threw a condom at him and asked him whether he intends to bloody use it.

as for perceived value. he has previously told me I could "pick and choose" when it comes to guys and I still remember the smug look on his face when that Obnoxious dude was desperately trying to find a way into my pants.

I don't know how he'd react to me going on dates now but a few months ago he went through a period when every guy I met was a "tosser".

[Isis]

Have you tried directly asking him why he doesn't want to commit with you? An honest answer might make it easier to find a mode of attack

[SecretV]

He spent about an hour trying to explain why but best he could come up with was "I just don't feel it would work". That was a year ago and last time we discussed it.

[Ildergreier]

Never let a man think you don't have any options.

[Isis]

I don't know Sasquatch but I do know other males who are resistant to getting into relationships with women who want them but date around. I've been that woman, I've watched it happen and I've been the other woman. Blah blah anecdote anecdote, I'm sure there are exceptions and you seem to feel that your case might be.

And maybe you're right. However, from my experience if a guy wanted to you (and you clearly want to be with him) he will get with you. Just because a man will say that he thinks you're great, special etc doesn't mean anything. Wouldn't it be nice if the world worked that way? It sure as hell would make things easier for me.

From what it sounds like, based on what you said; he's been on dates and gave some bullshit reason about "just not seeing it work out". That isn't a real reason, I don't know why he doesn't want to be direct. Perhaps he's worried being blunt and honest will hurt you. Regardless, based on what you've said, it sounds like he does not in fact value you enough to see himself in a long term relationship with you. And that isn't to say that you're not worth being valued. You seem like a lovely woman with a great sense of humor. Men (and women for that matter) prioritize stupid things, most especially when they're young

I still stand by displaying traits you think he'd like in a long term partner, if the end goal is to get him to commit through whatever means. There hasn't been a man I set my eyes on that this hasn't worked on if I knew what they wanted (in addition to other tactics). It doesnt seem like you want to do that, and just as well because these "relationships" are never satisfying when you're putting on an act.