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**~~Scottie2Hottie~~** · 04-04-2018, 07:22 PM

You're living together and having regular sex. How is that NOT a relationship? What are your day to day interactions like? Is he sleeping around?

**SecretV** · 04-04-2018, 08:03 PM

He's not sleeping with anyone else. Said he wouldn't mind meeting someone or a casual encounter. Day to day. We have a lot in common however we rarely get a chance to hang out just the two of us outside of the house. We're pretty damn close (emotional support, he tells me everything about his day etc). He doesn't see it as a relationship and last time we talked on the subject was a year ago when he stated as mentioned above.

**theLaw** · 04-04-2018, 09:47 PM

My spidey-sense tells me that there is a critical part of this story that you're leaving out.

Example: If I were to ask you if he's gay, and your response was "No.........I mean he's fooled around with guys a few times when he was drunk........."......that type of thing.

You've known each other 5 years, you're living together, you have sex, you're emotionally intimate, and he explicitly doesn't want a relationship with you.

Something doesn't add up here........

**Falvinski** · 04-04-2018, 11:49 PM

Welcome to the community SecretV.
Ok...it turned out that all Gentlemen are here, (not some)

TheLaw is right. His spidey-senses are accurate.

Please feel free to open up all details, to receive perfect advices. Everything is Fair to speak In Love and DiscoverXS.

**Isis** · 04-05-2018, 01:29 AM

I went through a phase where I was looking for men who had a track record of never settling down and had their longest relationships at under 6 months. Not my proudest moment, but I would get them to want me long term and then I would ghost.

Alongside the use of pheros, I played games. I'm not sure if this would work in your situation but the general approach was to give them space. I did not press for a relationship, I did not cling. I was very independent while I show cased "long term relationship qualities" I catered to their ego and tried to make them feel special and masculine. In short, I chameleoned into an independent and trustworthy version of a woman they ideally wanted. I went back and forth between sexual blends and bonding blends. PSEL, tease. A shit ton of cops and lightly bonding pheros from another company. What I wore depended on the situation. I stayed away from overly bonding pheros.

I'm not sure pheros alone will get you out of the friend zone. People who have trouble settling down usually have some underlying issues that they need to work out (speaking as someone who finds the idea of settling down unappealing).

EDITED TO ADD: I posted this after quickly reading your first post and somehow missed that he used to see a relationship with you. Feel free to ignore most if not my entire post

**Ildergreier** · 04-05-2018, 02:50 AM

Originally posted by Isis

I went through a phase where I was looking for men who had a track record of never settling down and had their longest relationships at under 6 months. Not my proudest moment, but I would get them to want me long term and then I would ghost.

Alongside the use of pheros, I played games. I'm not sure if this would work in your situation but the general approach was to give them space. I did not press for a relationship, I did not cling. I was very independent while I show cased "long term relationship qualities" I catered to their ego and tried to make them feel special and masculine. In short, I chameleoned into an independent and trustworthy version of a woman they ideally wanted. I went back and forth between sexual blends and bonding blends. PSEL, tease. A shit ton of cops and lightly bonding pheros from another company. What I wore depended on the situation. I stayed away from overly bonding pheros.

I'm not sure pheros alone will get you out of the friend zone. People who have trouble settling down usually have some underlying issues that they need to work out (speaking as someone who finds the idea of settling down unappealing).

EDITED TO ADD: I posted this after quickly reading your first post and somehow missed that he used to see a relationship with you. Feel free to ignore most if not my entire post

I loved your recipe for taking down some morons a couple of notch, though.

**Delight** · 04-05-2018, 03:20 AM

Pheromones can help to improve your relationships. There is a limit to what they can do, of course. Though many of the products in the store can have an influence in getting you out of the friend zone. Basically, xist for women and p96 are great for that. These are bonding products, so they will influence you too. Since you’re cohabitating and already have a close relationship, I think that what you want is commitment and love?

**SecretV** · 04-05-2018, 04:31 AM

Delight you'd be correct.

as for leaving parts out. Well it's been a year since him and his abusive excuse of an ex broke up after a 3.5 years of an on/off shit show

**theLaw** · 04-05-2018, 07:01 AM

Originally posted by SecretV

Delight you'd be correct.

as for leaving parts out. Well it's been a year since him and his abusive excuse of an ex broke up after a 3.5 years of an on/off shit show

If this were reversed, and you were a male that had been emotionally close to a female while she was in an abusive relationship, I would say get away from her...........fast.

In your situation, you want to start a relationship with a man with poor boundaries, which is probably why he's f*cking his roommate.

Since you posted a question, I think it's only respectful that I answer it, but please be advised, this is very self destructive:

He wants drama, and he doesn't want to be in charge, so whatever mixes will make you an alpha-bitch............would probably be most effective.

**~~Scottie2Hottie~~** · 04-05-2018, 09:50 AM

I'm inclined to agree with theLaw . But don't expect it to ever be a healthy relationship. If he's willing to tolerate an abusive relationship for 3.5 years then he must have some unresolved issues. Whatever other relationship that he gets into he's going to bring those issues with him. If he subconsciously feels that he deserves a shit show then he's sure to create one in the next relationship. I believe that you should think long and hard before starting a relationship with this guy. You would probably be better off trying to find a healthy, well adjusted man. Don't delude yourself into thinking that you can rescue or change this man. That's an unrealistic expectation. You can't save him. Only he can save himself.

Good luck

**Delight** · 04-05-2018, 12:01 PM

Pheromomes are a tool you use to ease relationships. The pheromones elicit the feelings and you steer it in the direction that you want to accomplish. Your guy will be affected, but ultimately he will decide if he wants to give in to those feelings. He will feel an attachment to you if you use Xist or p96. He will start to miss you and might even fall in love with you, but it won’t change the underlying issues. He might be influenced to want to a commitment on a short term level, but ultimately it will be up to him to remain committed to you long term. All relationships take work, some more than others. The guys gave you good advise. I’m not sure if you want relationship advise, but if you want to talk, you can always pm me. Most of the blends in the store tell you what the goal of the product is. Besides Xist for women, p96, you want a product whose goal will be intimacy. Sexual blends are great, but in your situation, you’re already getting sex. What you want will be intimacy, so you can steer sex into love making. It might take time to notice a change in your guy. Hopefully others who are more familiar with xs products will chime in.

**Ildergreier** · 04-05-2018, 12:50 PM

Anyway, for The OP, I think this man is a no, no, now. Sorry.

**SecretV** · 04-05-2018, 05:58 PM

I would appreciate if people stopped assuming. every rule has an exception. and I'm not trying to save anyone. I'm a woman not a puppy shelter. As specified I'm not asking for judgement. I'm asking for mone advice here.

if you knew me and him as people you would also know that there's no need for "saving" or "changing". I'm simply looking for something to help build on what we have.

Delight thank you. I will most likely try those blends.

theLaw Scottie2Hottie I appreciate your concern however there's a lot more to the situation than I'd like to go into on a public forum especially considering some aspects of things.

**~~Scottie2Hottie~~** · 04-05-2018, 09:31 PM

Granted I don't know every detail but I will say that there's a lot to be said about human nature or direct personal experiences with certain situations. That doesn't mean that you should discount people's interpretations outright. Being defensive doesn't serve you well. Everyone here is expressing an insight or opinion in your best interest. We all genuinely care about you. Sometimes the truth is the hardest thing to see.

**Ildergreier** · 04-06-2018, 02:42 AM

Originally posted by SecretV

I would appreciate if people stopped assuming. every rule has an exception. and I'm not trying to save anyone. I'm a woman not a puppy shelter. As specified I'm not asking for judgement. I'm asking for mone advice here.

if you knew me and him as people you would also know that there's no need for "saving" or "changing". I'm simply looking for something to help build on what we have.

Delight thank you. I will most likely try those blends.

theLaw Scottie2Hottie I appreciate your concern however there's a lot more to the situation than I'd like to go into on a public forum especially considering some aspects of things.

Ok, so why are you here and complaining about this situation again, if asking for a pheromone advice is all you want?

Ignoring the OP from now on.

**Falvinski** · 04-06-2018, 04:39 AM

Originally posted by SecretV

..... there's a lot more to the situation than I'd like to go into on a public forum especially considering some aspects of things.

Hello SecretV,
By far you have received correct product advice as a primary starter, Xist(women) and p96.
All the people who are replying, have been reading and discussing several issues of old and new users since years in here and other forums, so, through eagle eye view, they can make out where the matter is headed towards.
If you start a journal then you will be able to discuss there in details safely, because the journals are only viewable to members here. It wont be visible in google searches or anywhere else.

**SecretV** · 04-06-2018, 06:24 AM

Thank you Falvinski. I've had a recommendation for stacking Connections or Love Boat with PSEL, wasn't too sure about it as if I remember correctly PSEL is a very sexual pheromone, not sure on Love Boat either since I'm not overly familiar with it.

**Isis** · 04-06-2018, 11:16 AM

Originally posted by SecretV

Thank you Falvinski. I've had a recommendation for stacking Connections or Love Boat with PSEL, wasn't too sure about it as if I remember correctly PSEL is a very sexual pheromone, not sure on Love Boat either since I'm not overly familiar with it.

I've paired connections with sexual blends and didn't see much success personally. Though it might have just been the person and situation. Loveboat + PSEL or Tease on the other hand worked remarkably well. Loveboat + cops itself was already pretty great for me when it came building on feelings that already exist (or are underlying). It felt more like a social with people who weren't that deep into their feelings

a few women here seem to love xist/w. I'm a little put off at having to build it up but I ordered it anyway!

**SecretV** · 04-06-2018, 11:21 AM

Let me know how xist works cause I'm really curious

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Ladies and possibly some gentlemen - advice needed

Ladies and possibly some gentlemen - advice needed

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