Smell Like This


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    I am crossposting this from another thread: I thought I might invite comments or discussion here.

    For the past several days I have been looking at the natural instinctual mechanism that measures our social status. Our view of our social status is usually referred to as self-esteem. I've always thought of high or low self-esteem as static i.e unmoving. It turns out that our conscious self-esteem is different than our subconscious self-esteem. At the subconscious level, we have a mechanism that is constantly comparing and evaluating. At the subconscious level, it is primal. I say it is primal because it is used for sex mating pairing as well as survival. It is instinctual.

    But, at the conscious level, in the social sphere, we have been taught "our place". This teaching is what is static. But since it is teaching, it can be altered but most sociologists tell us only a little. For instance, it would be improbable to ever develop the mindset of a billionaires son. Who would teach me what that even is? TV and Media, I think not! I think we do have levels of social mobility though, How much is what I argue within my own mind with myself.

    At the subconscious level I' comparing myself with my real-time surroundings. But, at the conscious level, I am comparing that result( perception?) with my static "learned esteem' (baseline).

    When these don't line up fairly close it creates emotional insecurity. I'm not sure where I'm at and this emotional insecurity creates feelings of worry anger depression etc. That is what is going on when we feel those feelings. These feeling often create compensatory reactions. I can become defensive if I feel one way or overbearing if I feel another. I feel like I'm at the very bottom of the world or at the very top.

    The truth I am finding is that I am not either. If I start trying to raise my subconscious comparisons to a conscious level I find that I am actually very close in status to the people I find myself surrounded by. We are like a school of fish slipping left, slipping right, slipping up, slipping down.

    I AM NOT static but actually fluid. Yesterday while I worked this exercise I started to see that I could see some people were higher than me in one status but I may be higher in another. These measurements were balancing each other in a fluid moving way. These honest observations removed some of this emotional insecurity I was feeling in a doctors office.

    I was wearing XIST and Sex Magic. I guess I was resetting myself.

    My Current Inventory

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