Date on Friday: I Feel Kind of Bad

[lakerman34]

So, I just closed with this girl. I have a first date with her on Friday night.

Ah, gotta love Tinder.

The thing is, I have been seeing this OTHER girl for about a month now. I really like her, but we haven't said that we are exclusive nor in a relationship yet. I don't want her going around screwing other guys, and I brought this up to her.

If she wanted to be exclusive, I wouldn't date anyone else. The fact that she hasn't said ANYTHING towards the conversation I already initiated about being exclusive, I'm setting up dates JUST in case I find out she's seeing other guys (in which case, I'd probably drop her).

I'm nervous because I feel like I'm being unfaithful, AND I'm nervous that she runs into me (I live in a very tiny city where all the good bars are on one street, and I know she is going to be out with one of her girlfriends).

Am I doing something wrong? Am I risking my (potential) relationship with her?

To make this pheromone-y: My first date classic: 2 sprays -enone, 2 sprays IShine.

[Loquisimo]

In my opinion, Tinder app is designed for casual sex. If used correctly, non great surprises will come out.

[lakerman34]

In my opinion, Tinder app is designed for casual sex. If used correctly, non great surprises will come out.

Yeah, Friday's girl specifically told me she's ONLY looking for something non-serious and just fun -- that she absolutely cannot due "serious" right now.

I just feel bad b/c I really do like current girl quite a lot. I feel like I'm cheating or being dishonest.

[Scottie2Hottie]

Until you BOTH commit to a relationship you're a free agent. Lopsided relationships are a waste of I time.

[Ildergreier]

One month, seriously....

[theLaw]

Jesus Christ Lakerman!!!

Start making decisions for yourself, and stop with this wishy-washy-beta-male mentality.

You just told a girl you wanted to be exclusive..........and her answer............"Naa......I'm good."

Have a modicum of self-respect and move on.

I'm warning you man, if you don't get yourself together and grow up, some alpha-female is going to start making your decisions for you..........and you won't even know what hit you.

For whatever reason, you simply don't trust yourself, so your looking to others to make your decisions. Time to get your house in order.

https://www.selfauthoring.com/

Best of luck!

[lakerman34]

Jesus Christ Lakerman!!!

Start making decisions for yourself, and stop with this wishy-washy-beta-male mentality.

You just told a girl you wanted to be exclusive..........and her answer............"Naa......I'm good."

Have a modicum of self-respect and move on.

I'm warning you man, if you don't get yourself together and grow up, some alpha-female is going to start making your decisions for you..........and you won't even know what hit you.

For whatever reason, you simply don't trust yourself, so your looking to others to make your decisions. Time to get your house in order.

https://www.selfauthoring.com/

Best of luck!

I'm very confused by this post.

EDIT: Up to the "I'm warning you" bit makes sense. I've always made my own decisions. And the self-authoring bit looks like it'd be helpful for some, not what I need though. An alpha-female? HAHAHAHA

[Ildergreier]

Jesus Christ Lakerman!!!

Start making decisions for yourself, and stop with this wishy-washy-beta-male mentality.

You just told a girl you wanted to be exclusive..........and her answer............"Naa......I'm good."

Have a modicum of self-respect and move on.

I'm warning you man, if you don't get yourself together and grow up, some alpha-female is going to start making your decisions for you..........and you won't even know what hit you.

For whatever reason, you simply don't trust yourself, so your looking to others to make your decisions. Time to get your house in order.

https://www.selfauthoring.com/

Best of luck!

I think you are a bit rude.

[theLaw]

More than a bit............but thanks!

[lakerman34]

I think you are a bit rude.

I wouldn't call him rude.

I'd just say that, based on some advice I've gotten from him in the past, he puts a "one size fits all" for each person.

That's not to say that he hasn't given me good advice, it's just that sometimes, you can't make such general statements about people.

Also, the whole "alpha male" thing doesn't really relate well to humans in the biological/anthropomorphic sense. Furthermore, I'd find being an "alpha male" as really insulting (the types of douches I avoid b/c I can't bring myself to that low of a mental level -- I've actually been called an 'alpha' by women before, and have asked them to stop calling me that).

If I had to assign myself in this pseudo-world of male "type," I'm most certainly a sigma male, but this is all fake.

[theLaw]

I'm very confused by this post.

EDIT: Up to the "I'm warning you" bit makes sense. I've always made my own decisions. And the self-authoring bit looks like it'd be helpful for some, not what I need though. An alpha-female? HAHAHAHA

What I'm saying is that you're not making firm decisions, hence the beta-male label (don't get too hung-up on that, I just use it for convenience).

For example, you should decide if you want to be exclusive with her regardless of her opinion. You.........being the key word. If you don't want to lead.........then she will.

If she's not interested, then why not move on? Why would you want to be with someone who doesn't want to be with you? (unless you agree with her)

Instead, you're trying to get her"temperature" about the situation, which is what salesman/politicians do to gauge interest.

So why am I busting your balls about this one issue? Because it might actually be the reason she's not into you; you're indecisive, and your behaviour is weak (I know, don't mistake kindness for weakness).

Replace "alpha-male" with assertive/aggressive/ambitious/independent/trustworthy, and that's what being a leader (family or business) encompasses. More importantly, it's what most women want in a spouse as it's the foundation of trust and safety.

As for the warning, here's an example:

You've been dating a girl exclusively for over a year. You talk to her about all of the big issues, and find out that you're both simpatico.......great!!! Since you started dating her, she's been on birth-control, so you've grown used to not using a condom. Then one day you come home from work to see her sitting at the kitchen table with a huge smile on her face............"we're pregnant" she says. She "forgot" to take her birth control, and she's changed your life forever............without even consulting you.

This happens every day to men in "happy" relationships, and yet is a clear breech of trust.

BTW: have you ever met someone who doesn't claim to "make their own decisions"? Those with boundary issues, don't know they have boundary issues.

I sincerely wish you all the best, and I've posted my best advice based on your info, so I'll leave you to it. Hope everything turns out well.

Cheers!

[Ildergreier]

I wouldn't call him rude.

I'd just say that, based on some advice I've gotten from him in the past, he puts a "one size fits all" for each person.

That's not to say that he hasn't given me good advice, it's just that sometimes, you can't make such general statements about people.

Also, the whole "alpha male" thing doesn't really relate well to humans in the biological/anthropomorphic sense. Furthermore, I'd find being an "alpha male" as really insulting (the types of douches I avoid b/c I can't bring myself to that low of a mental level -- I've actually been called an 'alpha' by women before, and have asked them to stop calling me that).

If I had to assign myself in this pseudo-world of male "type," I'm most certainly a sigma male, but this is all fake.

Alpha types are just annoying as hell. Nobody wants to be that.

[Mr.wonderful]

Amen... bunch of buzz kills lol

[Loquisimo]

Then one day you come home from work to see her sitting at the kitchen table with a huge smile on her face............"we're pregnant" she says. She "forgot" to take her birth control, and she's changed your life forever............without even consulting you.

Cheers!

Politicians and lawyers quite many a bunch of pussy.. specially the ones participating on the laws "against men". Nowadays, in many countries men get into jail, or have to pay the icecream and clothes to some women. But in the law stated that money is for the child of the woman (not the child of the man).

Is it ridiculous, that in the law isn't considerate yet a crime, that common practice in which women lie to men, in order to get pregnant without the consent of the other part.

[Ildergreier]

Politicians and lawyers quite many a bunch of pussy.. specially the ones participating on the laws "against men". Nowadays, in many countries men get into jail, or have to pay the icecream and clothes to some women. But in the law stated that money is for the child of the woman (not the child of the man).

Is it ridiculous, that in the law isn't considerate yet a crime, that common practice in which women lie to men, in order to get pregnant without the consent of the other part.

Where are these men that doesn't shot the womans club up voluntarily?

[lakerman34]

So, I spoke to the girl I'm with, and she's still 'letting it marinate,' but she appears to want to be exclusive (I don't even really have time to be with anyone else, and I really enjoy you, so....yeah).

I brought up to her that I had a date. She was SUPER OK with it.

On the date, the girl was cuter than I anticipated. I wore:
2 sprays -enone 5mcg (on neck)
3 sprays IShine (2 on wrists, one on neck)

It was a really fun time. At the end of the date, she planted two kisses on my lips, and said "I hope to see you soon."
I went up to my apartment, she started texting me a little bit.

Then, out of the blue, the girl I'm currently with started texting me.
"Warning: This is a drunk test: hiiiiiiiiii"

She asked me to come over to her place. I told her I wanted food, asked if she wanted something. I put on another spray of -enone to the neck, and 1 spray of XiSt, headed to her place.

She asked if I had fun on my date. I replied, "it was fun." It wasn't brought up again.

'Twas a fun night.

My roommates applauded me.

[Ildergreier]

You are in a bromate situation too?

[lakerman34]

...and we're exclusive.

[Ildergreier]

...and we're exclusive.

Congratulations, I guess....

[lakerman34]

Congratulations, I guess....

I mean, it's cool. She's cool.

There's always a piece of me that wishes I didn't get this far when I enter an exclusive relationship, but things are cool.

[Ildergreier]

I mean, it's cool. She's cool.

There's always a piece of me that wishes I didn't get this far when I enter an exclusive relationship, but things are cool.

I understand what you mean.