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how to 'Respond' to someone who thinks negatively about themselves?

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  • how to 'Respond' to someone who thinks negatively about themselves?

    hello again and thanks for stopping by

    its been a hell of a few weeks (or month? im not sure how long its been since i posted) and i have a lot to tell everyone. couldn't think of a better title or were to post this.

    the last time i posted, i mentioned that i was about to see a person of interest after a while of not talking to her and that i was practically nervous and kind of scared of this new unknown of mone usage and whether or not it would get me another chance to start over or at least make things right.
    i mean, using mones in the car for work has given me amazing results with random people i never thought possible. especially with my shy and anti-social nature that im used to. but using it on someone of interest was a new battlefield i didn't want to mess up again.

    well im glad to report that it works. so much so that im not sure how to describe this feeling. like, i know how it works, but seeing it in action is just like how this community describes it; "Black magic voodoo".

    as usual, ill make a spoiler box and leave a TL;DR at the bottom.

    Spoiler: 
    i took everyone's word into consideration and i used everyone's advice to handle this situation. i took time to improve myself in what little time i had and i just went with it and continued to do it during every other occasion with her until now. ive made new friends, tried on new clothes through stylist services, been working out (although i stopped a few weeks ago because of responsibilities i needed to take care of), lost weight; i even tried the dating scene and tried talking to someone new (which went horrible only after 4 days).

    i decided to go forward with a "whatever happens happens" mentality. i visited friends and did what i was invited for; to have a good time and not give her my undivided attention like i used to unless the situation calls for it. after my 'very' short stint in the dating scene, things just started to click. it took me a while to figure out but i now understand the concept of not treating someone like they're amazing in your life when they don't do the same for you. i also took a different angle in how i talk to her. i used to be shy around her and other women "friends" in my life that i took an interest in. but now, being shy feels stupid. especially to someone who so happens to be your friend. just because your in love with someone you care about, doesn't mean that things have to change or you have to treat them differently. from before you loved them and now that you do, they have always and will always be the same person you enjoy your time with.

    i go by every now and then whenever i'm needed or to spend time with friends and i usually see her there too. i started out by using two sprays of Xist and One of Cohesion. when i saw her for the first time she looked at me pretty weird, like a "hey i didn't expect you" look. but i paid no mind, and just continued to do what i was there for. the first week or two, we barely talked or did anything, and when we did talk; it was usually because we were all involved in a conversation or activity that necessitated conversation, nothing special. around the third-fourth week, that's when things decided to change so fast it made my head spin.

    i went by to handle a computer issue and fix a vape pen around 6-7pm for a friend and she was there. the issue was handled easily so i had time to kill before heading home, then we started talking again. but this wasn't just barely a word between us and then dip. i don't remember what started our conversation, but i do remember a lot of what we talked about. everything from our usual banter of internet trends, TV shows and movies, common issues, laughing at terrible jokes, ETC.
    what started as a normal 1 hour job turned into us talking to each other until someone informed us it was almost midnight and we had to leave.

    and it wasn't a one time thing too. almost every time i go over, unless she was on her period or had one of those days where she just wanted to be at home; every time i would talk to her, the same lengthy conversations would happen over and over again. it was like nothing ever happened between us, and it felt nice to finally have things feel like it was back to normal.

    around this time, i made the stupid mistake of leaving my mones in my car which i park outside. couple that with florida weather and well, lets just say evaporating alcohol and tiny plastic bottles dont mix. at this point, i've done this like 5 times already and i figured it was time to stock up again. especially since i tried changing the dosage to 3x Xist and 2x cohesion but not noticing any changes or negatives or positive effects. after talking to steve about my experiences, i was given good advice about needing to stop looking for cues too much and focus on being me since overworking yourself over whats working and whats not working can drive you crazy sometimes. so after finding out new product recommendations over the phone and reading up in the forums and the product descriptions on the store page; i stocked up on more xist and cohesion and i bought a bottle of loveboat from the unisexy category. i heard great things about mixing loveboat with xist and/or cohesion and i wanted to give it a try. especially since im trying to show that i don't want to be just friends.

    im happy to report the new arsenal is working well... a little too well. which is why i created this post.

    last time i saw her (which was a few days ago) i sported the new combo of 3x Xist , 1x Cohesion, and 1x Loveboat. our usual conversation had some dramatic positive differences. i ended up getting into an argument with her about something that we didnt see eye to eye with. but instead of yelling at each other, we took the time to find out why we felt that way and came to an agreement about how we felt about it in general. after that the conversation changed to us talking about something else that was relevant that changed the topic completely and got us laughing and joking around again. i had no idea as to why that happened. i hate arguing since it can turn out pretty shitty for me and i usually avoid them in general to avoid having to be on the other end sword. even if im right, i hate conflict in general. but this was different, and i figured id think about it later.

    about an hour or two later, the conversation theme now changed to a sexual conversation. she started talking about her ass and how she hated it (along with other things about her body) and about a few game theories of certain characters being together in a relationship or had children together (like for example; anyone ever heard of the mario game 'peach and bowser had a child' theory?) and questioning as to how big 'he' was and how could it 'fit'.

    since ive never had any relationship experience and im not a smooth talker, i just said how her ass was fine and that theres nothing wrong with it (something i know shouldnt be said and i hate myself for trying to be honest) and as far as for the other topic, i just went with it and just mentioned that it could be he was smaller or she was more capable and that no one knows for sure.

    im currently kicking myself, but at least i caught this before it became a problem. this is the first time this happened and i dont want to be making mistakes here. so to not make this into a conga line of mistakes, i wanted to ask the community how to handle things like this.


    alright now that i got all that out of the way

    heres the TL;DR

    mones work! so much so that things are changing hella fast. we talk for hours again like we used to and it feels nice. but the conversations are now changing and things are gravitating towards sexual themes and i have very little experience with it.

    last time i talked to her, she was mentioning about her own body like her ass or her breasts and how she hates herself visually and im not sure how to respond. she also talked about sex stuff, like size and what not (yes, we are all adults here, but id rather stay safe and not derail the post). i want to be confident and respond in a way that she can agree with or maybe find charming i guess, but ive never done crap like this before and im at a mental roadblock at this time. this is like the second conversation ive had like this, first one being not too overt and second one being more into it than the first and i dont want to be caught unprepared.

    women of the forum! (and men too), how should a man respond to a woman who doesnt like herself or hates the way she looks? how do you respond to women on a topic in which they dont view themselves positively?

    also

    any advice on how to handle sexual topics from here on out into the future? any pschyology tricks or rules... or maybe a book or article to read about socializing in manners like these?

    ive read a thread here that someone posted about psych clues to look out for like body language and things that indicate that she is interested, which was informing.

    just want some opinions on how i should handle this and how i can improve here. thank you
    Last edited by Omaha; 08-13-2020, 08:02 PM. Reason: Edit for Grammer and Spelling mistakes

  • #2
    well, I just tel them I think their boobs are great, can I show you how much I like them or I can't give you my professional opinion with all those clothes on. something like that. You should try something more subtle like, I don't know where you would get that idea from. She's fishing for compliments it would seem but I suspect she's wondering if you think she's attractive. Not telling her is good too though, If she feels she is chasing you its better.

    Comment


    • #3
      Originally posted by Muestereate View Post
      well, I just tel them I think their boobs are great, can I show you how much I like them or I can't give you my professional opinion with all those clothes on. something like that. You should try something more subtle like, I don't know where you would get that idea from. She's fishing for compliments it would seem but I suspect she's wondering if you think she's attractive. Not telling her is good too though, If she feels she is chasing you its better.
      sorry for the late reply but thank you for the advice.

      ill take it into consideration next time i speak to her. the last few days of the weekend i was over but i didn't get a chance to speak with her at all. i was told something happened to her during the week before i got there (to which i declined to hear any details to respect her privacy). she was only around to do things for family and then leave. i did speak with her on one of the days but it was uneventful, not much to talk about. it was somewhat like our normal conversations but other moments while she was there; she looked like she just wanted to be by herself. like bunched up and engrossed on her phone for the majority of the time. so i took her body language and absence of her as a que to not pay any mind and leave her be.

      i enjoy being with her when she is her usual and outgoing self, but moments like how she acted are every now and then (not rare but also not common as well) like she's depressed or feels like not wanting anything from anyone.

      before the issues i described in my earlier posts, sometimes when she was like this; i played the nice guy card because it was the only way i knew how to handle things, even with my friends (i was raised by the women in my family, so its a hard habit to break). i would get her something she enjoys (be it food or entertainment); something she could enjoy and take her mind off of things. in the beginning it worked, but after a while of doing the same things it didnt have the same effect as before.

      now, i wish there was something i could do. i dont want to revert back to the same shit i was doing before, but im also at a loss of what i should do. everytime this happens, i just leave her be not just because space is golden sometimes, but also because i dont know what to do.

      obviously there's no point in hiding that i still have feelings for her. shes made me happy in numerous occasions just by being friends with me and not needing to give me anything in return. but, i want to do the same for her without falling back to my same mistakes.

      my head hurts just thinking about this, i think ill go drive for work and clear my head for a bit

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