Post count thread - Intimacy vs Raw sex

[KateD]

I believe that relationships/marriage can be very simple and people make things complicated. In relationships, you don't just have great sex you have more. Although that level of intimacy , having someone to call your own, share things with and someone to come home with is more valuable than all the world's gold. It does come with a whole lot of work,stress and some super , deep LOWS

I know that most women would rather have a relationship with all that stress and complication for the intimacy factor,and having someone who you love and who you think love you be yours.

What do men think?

If you had it your way MEN

Would you choose Intimacy (i.e) relationships or if you could just have unattached sex easily which would you prefer

Intimacy vs raw sex and WHYYYYYYYY

[Ragnar Lothbrook]

I want intimacy, but... I need to be loved physically. Have you heard of the 5 love languages? Well, anybody that hasn't, should look it up. I need physical affection, and affirmation. That means tell me I'm a good boy, and have sex with me. It's that simple for me. However, we have to meet our partners needs as well, and they're probably different from ours.

Tough question, because my fantasies might not be the best reality. To have unattached sex all over the place would be great, but you got to go out looking and play the games.

I'd rather have monogamous, wild sex. That way there are boundaries, and trust, and most likely guaranteed regular affection.

Just let me watch sports. Have friends over, have a couple drinks and watch sports. Better yet, be the one that I want to have drinks with and watch sports. Sports and Sex that's about all I need. and this thermos, and that's all I need. Sports, sex, and this thermos... and this ashtray, and that's all I need.

And I would need the her to bluntly tell me what I need like I have above.

[KateD]

LOL! Hear that ladies , sports , sex (thermos and astray)

[Xcc]

KateD I refuse to think of this as a dichotomy. I think they are interconnected. The sex is great when the emotional closeness is also there. No emotional closeness, no sex. Always been like that for me.

As for a reason, I don't think I have a logical reason... or an illogical one either.

A talk about what's important to us... followed by some pulling-her-hair great sex while I look her in the eye like all I want is her and she's all mine.

[kingtut savage]

I concur. Very well stated my friend

[RTBoss]

I've had sex where there was physical attraction, but no emotional intimacy. It was exciting in the moment, but afterwards, it was no different than taking care of myself (if ya git meh drift).

Having a bond and a sexual relationship is so much better. In fact, it's that which makes it hard for me to have female friendships. If they're good looking at all, and I have a bond, I want to have sex! Argh! But, I won't.

I bought that love languages book...I need to read it. I bought it so my wife and I would read it together, but she has shown little to no interest.

[Ixist]

Can we have both? lol These mones really bring out the animal in me sometimes. Like I only want one thing! lol I think intimate relationships are better though

[Xcc]

KateD I wonder if these were the answers you were expecting...

[mindpivot]

Yes, having both, relationship with deep intimacy is the ultimate scenario. The problem is with the perception that any time you get both you must also have to overcome a whole lot of work,stress and lows. But work, stress and lows are different for everyone. Its how we can handle these challenges either alone or together that matters. Unattached sex will only temporarily quench one appetite, its just dessert not a meal.

[Ragnar Lothbrook]

Dessert not a meal. I like that analogy mindpivot. I guess I'm not a grown up yet, because I'd rather have the sweets than eat my broccoli.

[Xcc]

KateD So there seems to be a trend...

Emotional intimacy + great raw sex

So you can have your cake and eat it too because if you don't have cake, you can't eat cake, right?

By the way, this is hardly a moral issue for me. It's just my preference. I realize there are some men and women out there who just like to have sex because they like to have sex. I think that's fine. It's just that I just can't do it. I mean if the hottest woman in the world showed up naked right now and threw herself at me, as tempted as I might be I doubt I could. But I would want to go out with her and get to know her. Then maybe. I know, kind of an anti-climatic ending. Haha pun intended.

[elvin.tan77]

Well, how do you have great sex w/out intimacy?

[Xcc]

elvin.tan77 I think your question summed up my perspective well.

[Ragnar Lothbrook]

Yes, of course sustained great sex only comes from intimacy. However, I think Prince said it best- 22 positions in a one night stand. I would guess we've all had what we thought was great sex because maybe we're drunk, high, or horny and we get some new strange, you know what I'm talkin 'bout . Like any drug, that first time high is tough to repeat, but we're always chasing the white rabbit.

[Enigma]

I prefer an intimate relationship but like raw sex as a timeout after a breakup. Relationships are no doubt quite a bit of work but I'd say they are well worth it.

In terms of women or men wanting relationships vs raw sex, I'd say there is quite a bit of a cultural component to that. When I went to San Diego, casual sex and fbuddy relationships are a bit of the norm there. The girls I hooked up with didn't talk that much about relationships. While as when Utah(Mormon capital) it was the total opposite.

I do wonder if there is any impact of people who spend quite a bit hooking up with new people and how that affects them having a LTR in the future, if there is any. Hard to say.

[Ragnar Lothbrook]

Utah? I'm sorry.

[elvin.tan77]

Great raw sex w/out Intimacy is gonna be rare. The only experience I had that's great was pretty juicy and happens while I was in college. Casual Sex and Fubu still requires some bonding I would say. If you don't feel comfortable or in chemistry with that person, I doubt you would have sex with that person. Even if you do, would you have enjoyed it?

[Jimmy42]

As a 46 yo man with a SO there is all kinds of sex. Intimate and love ing, crazy wild lusty all out banging and a combo of the two. It's the combo I think that is most typical, or should be and lemme just say pheros bring some more of that spark to the bedroom that can go missing thru the years.

[eternitys_child]

Raw sex with someone I have feelings for